We were swell, we were neat Sharing corn dogs on the street Then you sneezed, I turned pale Thought I’d end up in a jail! (Honk honk!) Ooh, I didn’t wanna ghost you, babe I didn’t wanna flee But I saw a microscopic germ and then I remembered me! (Gesundheit!) I started to twitch I started to shake Then I realized the big mistake we’d make! (Yodel-ay-hee-hoo!) I could give myself Herpes! I can live in a vat! I’ll chat with cheese for hours In a pointy tinfoil hat! (Nyah-nyah!) I can take myself dancing In a plastic balloon! Yeah, I’m way more disgusting than you, you loon! (A-ha!) I’m much grosser! I can be grosser, baby! (Yodel-ay-hee!) I’m much grosser! I can be grosser, baby! Paint my toes neon green Scrub my brain 'til it is clean! No romance, no regrets I’ll just hang with my pet bets! (Woof! Bark!) Ooh, I didn’t wanna leave you, babe I didn’t wanna fight But your tongue is like a wrecking ball and it gave me quite a fright! (Look out!) I started to sweat I started to cry Then I remembered I’m a germ-free guy! (Whoop!) I could give myself Herpes! I can hide in the sink! Talk to plants for nine hours ‘Til they start to shrink! (Gulp!) I can take myself dancing While I’m covered in foam! Yeah, I’m much better off if I just stay home! (Yodel-ay-hee-hoo-hee-hoo-hee-hoo!) (Cymbal crash!) I didn't wanna leave you I didn't wanna fight But I’m spraying Lysol through the night! (Psst-psst!) I could give myself Herpes! (Oh!) I can live in a box! (Yeah!) Talk to socks for ten hours! (Sock it to me!) Wear three pairs of Crocs! (Squeak!) I can take myself dancing In a sterilized room! Yeah, I’m way more pathetic than you, I assume! I’m much grosser! I can be grosser, baby! (Yodel-ay!) I’m much grosser! I can be grosser, baby! (Hah!) I’m much grosser! I can be grosser, baby! (Don't touch that!) Check for shingles! (Slide whistle down, final heavy tuba honk, sound of a toilet flushing)
