The Hunter's Lament (And Other Evening Hobbies)

tango, cinematic theatrical music, symphonic orchestration

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[Verse]
Well, the baker shuts his bakery,
The tailor folds his thread,
The cobbler locks his workshop
And goes directly home to bed.

But when the moon climbs up the steeple
And the town begins to snore,
I polish stakes of ash and oak
And head right out the door.

[Verse]
There's a count who haunts the cemetery,
A baron by the bay,
A duchess in the clocktower
Who prefers her meals au naturel, they say.

They flutter through the darkness
With their capes and charming smiles,
While I jog behind with garlic
For approximately six miles.

[Chorus]
Oh, it's hard to be a vampire hunter,
No applause, no grand parade,
Just a lot of muddy graveyards
And a highly specialized trade.

When the monsters start their mischief
And the townsfolk run in fright,
I'm the fellow with the crossbow
Working overtime tonight!

[Verse]
Now some folks dream of riches,
And some folks dream of fame,
And some folks marry sweethearts
And pass along the family name.

But every date I've ever taken
Ends the very same old way:
"Forgive me, dear, a vampire bat
Has interrupted our soirée."

[Chorus]
Oh, it's hard to be a vampire hunter,
Always chasing things that hiss,
While the vampire gets the romance
And the hunter gets dismissed.

He's mysterious and handsome,
I'm exhausted and uptight,
Yet somehow I'm the one who's got
To save the town each night!

[Bridge]
But lately there's a rumor
Of a castle on the hill,
Where the oldest of the vampires
Waits unnaturally still.

They say he's crossed the centuries,
They say he can't be slain,
They say that every hunter
Who confronted him was never seen again.

[Verse]
Well, I've sharpened every silver blade,
I've packed an extra stake,
I've practiced all my heroic poses
In case the moment comes to make.

And if tomorrow finds me
Face to face with ancient doom,
At least I'll make an entrance
When I stride into the room!

[Final Chorus]
Yes, it's hard to be a vampire hunter,
But somebody's got to try,
To keep the creatures of the darkness
From inheriting the sky.

So raise a lantern high, my friends,
And keep the fire bright,
For the hunter's work is never done—

But what a splendid night!

[Outro]
The baker bakes,
The tailor sews,
The river gently flows...

And somewhere in the darkness,
A vampire hunter goes.

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[Verse] Well, the baker shuts his bakery, The tailor folds his thread, The cobbler locks his workshop And goes directly home to bed. But when the moon climbs up the steeple And the town begins to snore, I polish stakes of ash and oak And head right out the door. [Verse] There's a count who haunts the cemetery, A baron by the bay, A duchess in the clocktower Who prefers her meals au naturel, they say. They flutter through the darkness With their capes and charming smiles, While I jog behind with garlic For approximately six miles. [Chorus] Oh, it's hard to be a vampire hunter, No applause, no grand parade, Just a lot of muddy graveyards And a highly specialized trade. When the monsters start their mischief And the townsfolk run in fright, I'm the fellow with the crossbow Working overtime tonight! [Verse] Now some folks dream of riches, And some folks dream of fame, And some folks marry sweethearts And pass along the family name. But every date I've ever taken Ends the very same old way: "Forgive me, dear, a vampire bat Has interrupted our soirée." [Chorus] Oh, it's hard to be a vampire hunter, Always chasing things that hiss, While the vampire gets the romance And the hunter gets dismissed. He's mysterious and handsome, I'm exhausted and uptight, Yet somehow I'm the one who's got To save the town each night! [Bridge] But lately there's a rumor Of a castle on the hill, Where the oldest of the vampires Waits unnaturally still. They say he's crossed the centuries, They say he can't be slain, They say that every hunter Who confronted him was never seen again. [Verse] Well, I've sharpened every silver blade, I've packed an extra stake, I've practiced all my heroic poses In case the moment comes to make. And if tomorrow finds me Face to face with ancient doom, At least I'll make an entrance When I stride into the room! [Final Chorus] Yes, it's hard to be a vampire hunter, But somebody's got to try, To keep the creatures of the darkness From inheriting the sky. So raise a lantern high, my friends, And keep the fire bright, For the hunter's work is never done— But what a splendid night! [Outro] The baker bakes, The tailor sews, The river gently flows... And somewhere in the darkness, A vampire hunter goes.

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