FB3K: I Ain't Going // Couch Prophet

RICHMOND

FlowBot 3000 by Crownvenom Laboratories™

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V5.5

[Ω::FLOWBOT3000]
[COUCH_PROPHET]
[ONE ADULT MALE VOICE / RAP ONLY]
[LAZY WEST COAST POCKET / DRY COMEDIC DELIVERY]

[INTRO — LOW / CASUAL]

People keep asking me
why I don't have a job.

I have a job.

It's called
protecting my peace.

[VERSE 1]

First problem:
they want you up at seven.

Seven?

That's not morning.

That's the middle of my dreams
getting interrupted by reality.

Then shower.
Then clothes.
Then traffic.

Then stand on a platform
with three hundred strangers
breathing yesterday's dinner.

Train smells crazy.

Bus smells worse.

And somehow I'm supposed to arrive
ready to solve problems.

Whose problems?

Everybody's problems.

“Can you fix this?”
“Can you call them?”
“Can you handle that?”

Man, I got problems.

I ain't even handled
what's on my desk.

[HOOK — RAP CHANT]

I ain't going.

No, I ain't going.

Alarm clock ringing,
I'm already knowing.

You call it work.

I call it suffering
with direct deposit.

I ain't going.

Let me stay home.

[VERSE 2]

Then there's taxes.

Now hold on.

I make the money.

You take the money.

Then you tell me
how much money I still owe?

That's a strange arrangement.

And benefits?

They say,
“Great benefits.”

What's the benefit?

I gotta work forty hours
to earn the privilege
of getting sick.

Then I gotta ask permission
to take a day off.

A DAY.

[PAUSE]

That's where they lose me.

[VERSE 3]

Because sometimes
I'm feeling creative.

I get an idea.

A beautiful idea.

Could change my whole life.

And that's exactly
when they say:

“Can you be here
at nine tomorrow?”

No.

I have inspiration.

You don't understand.

This is important.

And then—

new game drops.

Now this is where
modern employment
really shows its limitations.

I need time.

I need several days.

Possibly weeks.

There are systems
to learn.

Maps to explore.

Character builds
to optimize.

You can't just expect me
to abandon that
for spreadsheets.

[HOOK]

I ain't going.

No, I ain't going.

Boss says,
“Team meeting.”

I say,
“That's unfortunate.”

You call it work.

I call it
interrupting my lifestyle.

[VERSE 4 — PHILOSOPHICAL]

Everybody says,
“You need purpose.”

I got purpose.

Wake up.

Eat something.

Play something.

Think about doing the dishes.

Maybe do one.

Take a break.

Come back.

This is balance.

You people invented burnout
and then made motivational posters
about recovering from it.

I'm simply refusing
to participate.

[FINAL — DEADPAN]

One day they'll understand.

Maybe.

Until then,

I'll be right here.

Available.

Relaxed.

Well-rested.

And absolutely unwilling
to commute anywhere.

[PAUSE]

Unless it's for food.

Then I can leave
around noon.

[Ω::FLOWBOT3000]

2655/7500

[Ω::FLOWBOT3000] [COUCH_PROPHET] [ONE ADULT MALE VOICE / RAP ONLY] [LAZY WEST COAST POCKET / DRY COMEDIC DELIVERY] [INTRO — LOW / CASUAL] People keep asking me why I don't have a job. I have a job. It's called protecting my peace. [VERSE 1] First problem: they want you up at seven. Seven? That's not morning. That's the middle of my dreams getting interrupted by reality. Then shower. Then clothes. Then traffic. Then stand on a platform with three hundred strangers breathing yesterday's dinner. Train smells crazy. Bus smells worse. And somehow I'm supposed to arrive ready to solve problems. Whose problems? Everybody's problems. “Can you fix this?” “Can you call them?” “Can you handle that?” Man, I got problems. I ain't even handled what's on my desk. [HOOK — RAP CHANT] I ain't going. No, I ain't going. Alarm clock ringing, I'm already knowing. You call it work. I call it suffering with direct deposit. I ain't going. Let me stay home. [VERSE 2] Then there's taxes. Now hold on. I make the money. You take the money. Then you tell me how much money I still owe? That's a strange arrangement. And benefits? They say, “Great benefits.” What's the benefit? I gotta work forty hours to earn the privilege of getting sick. Then I gotta ask permission to take a day off. A DAY. [PAUSE] That's where they lose me. [VERSE 3] Because sometimes I'm feeling creative. I get an idea. A beautiful idea. Could change my whole life. And that's exactly when they say: “Can you be here at nine tomorrow?” No. I have inspiration. You don't understand. This is important. And then— new game drops. Now this is where modern employment really shows its limitations. I need time. I need several days. Possibly weeks. There are systems to learn. Maps to explore. Character builds to optimize. You can't just expect me to abandon that for spreadsheets. [HOOK] I ain't going. No, I ain't going. Boss says, “Team meeting.” I say, “That's unfortunate.” You call it work. I call it interrupting my lifestyle. [VERSE 4 — PHILOSOPHICAL] Everybody says, “You need purpose.” I got purpose. Wake up. Eat something. Play something. Think about doing the dishes. Maybe do one. Take a break. Come back. This is balance. You people invented burnout and then made motivational posters about recovering from it. I'm simply refusing to participate. [FINAL — DEADPAN] One day they'll understand. Maybe. Until then, I'll be right here. Available. Relaxed. Well-rested. And absolutely unwilling to commute anywhere. [PAUSE] Unless it's for food. Then I can leave around noon. [Ω::FLOWBOT3000]

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