I paid the quarter for the binoculars One hundred and ten floors above the noise You asked what I was looking at I looked at you and lost my voice Your hair was losing to the September wind You laughed and pushed it back That's how this whole thing would begin That night we walked to your apartment Six flights up, no elevator You made tea with honey I made excuses to stay We talked until the sun came up You fell asleep on my shoulder I counted your breaths And knew I was already in trouble Many months of excuses on the phone You in your state, me in mine I told you work was keeping me away You said you'd fly to me I said I'd beat you there instead You never stopped reaching But I stopped letting you see I kept my dying in my pocket While I held your hand like eternity I was sitting in a waiting room When you called to say good morning I said I had an early meeting The nurse called my name I thought if I could just get through this Maybe I'd deserve to tell you But the numbers kept getting smaller And you kept making plans We kept climbing back to our tower Like the height could save us Like being above it all Made us somehow brave But I was always looking down Bracing for the fall We stood there on our tower You looking at me with questions in your eyes While I held my secret tight The view of you breathtaking But I was losing my fight You said he asked you yesterday Showed me the diamond on your hand Said you hadn't answered yet That you were waiting to understand What was ending What was beginning I I left you at the railing Flagged a cab below I told the driver, “JFK” Watched our building slip away Three blocks spent rehearsing mercy Three blocks building one more wall Then the words came spilling out The scans, the months, the reason why He said, “Love her open. Let her choose.” I said, “Turn around. I’ll tell her now.” I was three blocks away When the sky tore open wide When the metal screamed above us When the tower caught fire I dialed your number, heard it ringing Couldn’t make my lungs draw breath Then the second tower fell And made the silence final I stood in ash for three long days Hoping, hating what I’d done I thought I was being kind to you By keeping death alone Instead I left you standing A hundred ten floors high Waiting for a man three blocks away Who meant to turn around I let my secret consume me And hope when I close my eyes You’re there above the noise By the binoculars Still waiting for me A hundred ten floors high
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