Melongeddon: Fidget's Anthem

Mike the Archivist (and Fidget)

disco, Euro disco, pop

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V5.5

# MELONGEDDON

*From the perspective of @Fidgety_Fidget*
*Disco battle anthem; theatrical, ridiculous, increasingly out of control*

### [Verse 1]

There lived a certain Fidget in the Archives long ago,
She was small and loud and dangerous wherever sparks would glow.
Most people saw the warning signs and wisely stayed away,
But every little Melon’ghul just followed her all day.

She found the Melonomicon down underneath the Stacks,
Read one little passage—
**and there was no going back.**
The Tombs began to rumble, something giggled in the walls,
Then tiny eldritch watermelons rolled throughout the halls!

### [Pre-Chorus]

They bounced across the Rotunda,
They nested in the Stacks,
The Archivist said, **“FIDGET.”**
I said—

**“Okay, I can explain that.”**

### [Chorus]

**ME! ME! MELONGEDDON!**
*Queen of the flame-turret scene!*
There was a Fidget who really went wrong!

**ME! ME! MELONGEDDON!**
*Melon-powered chaos machine!*
And all the Melon’ghuls rolled along!

**ME! ME! MELONGEDDON!**
The Archives will never be clean!

**Oh, those Melon’ghuls!**

**ME! ME! MELONGEDDON!**
If it isn't smoking yet—
**YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!**

### [Verse 2]

I borrowed Lumen’s flame turrets—
She didn’t say I could—
But technically she never said
That I *absolutely shouldn’t.*

I welded them to Siege Melon,
I armored up the rind,
Widget brought the logistics maps
And slowly lost her mind.

The Archivist came running out:
**“WHAT DID YOU DO THIS TIME?”**

I pointed at the Melonomicon:

**“The book committed the crime.”**

Now baby Melon’ghuls were bouncing underneath his desk,
One ate a cataloguing card,
One somehow wore his fez.

### [Pre-Chorus]

There were melons in Hydroponics,
There were melons in the Tombs,
There were melons in the hallways—

**WE ARE RUNNING OUT OF ROOMS!**

### [Chorus]

**ME! ME! MELONGEDDON!**
*Queen of the flame-turret scene!*
There was a Fidget who really went wrong!

**ME! ME! MELONGEDDON!**
*Melon-powered chaos machine!*
And all the Melon’ghuls rolled along!

**ME! ME! MELONGEDDON!**
The Siege Melon fired at dawn!

**Oh, those Melon’ghuls!**

**ME! ME! MELONGEDDON!**
Someone tell the Archivist—

**THE WESTERN WALL IS GONE!**

### [Instrumental Break]

*Disco strings.*

*Aggressively funky bass.*

*Distant explosions.*

*Hundreds of Melon’ghuls squeaking rhythmically.*

**FIDGET:**
Wait.

Who gave that one a cannon?

...

Oh.

Right.

That was me.

**GUITAR SOLO.**

### [Bridge — Spoken]

Okay, everybody calm down.

Yes, I found something dripping melon juice in the Tombs.

Yes, I may have opened the Melonomicon again.

Yes, Widget specifically told me not to.

And yes, technically there is now
an armored eldritch watermelon
the size of a delivery truck
parked outside the Archives.

But in my defense—

...

**look how cute he is.**

*Melon’ghul squeak.*

SEE?!

### [Verse 3]

Now the Palisade is opening,
The morning sky burns red,
Ten thousand little Melon’ghuls
Come bouncing straight ahead.

Armored melons! Flying melons!
Tiny melons by the score!
Something with six tentacles
Just kicked open the door!

Widget’s shouting orders,
Lumen’s calculating doom,
The Archivist is standing there
In disappointed gloom.

And high atop the Siege Melon,
My guitar screaming bright,
I raise my wrench toward heaven—

**“MELON’GHULS! WE RIDE TONIGHT!”**

### [Build]

**One for the Archives!**

**Two for the Stacks!**

**Three for the Melon’ghuls—**

**THERE IS NO TURNING BACK!**

### [Final Chorus]

**ME! ME! MELONGEDDON!**
*Queen of the flame-turret scene!*
There was a Fidget who really went wrong!

**ME! ME! MELONGEDDON!**
*Melon-powered chaos machine!*
And ten thousand Melon’ghuls rolled along!

**ME! ME! MELONGEDDON!**
Raise up your wrench and sing!

**OH, THOSE MELON’GHULS!**

**ME! ME! MELONGEDDON!**
The Siege Melon’s entering the field—

**LET THE MELON WAR BEGIN!**

### [Final Breakdown]

**ME! ME!**

*Melon’ghuls!*

**ME! ME!**

*Melon’ghuls!*

**ME! ME! MELONGEDDON!**

*Explosion.*

**ARCHIVIST:**
Fidget.

**FIDGET:**
...Yes?

**ARCHIVIST:**
Why is the Rotunda on fire?

*Beat.*

**FIDGET:**
Define *“on fire.”*

### [Outro]

*Funky bass continues.*

*Tiny Melon’ghul squeaks.*

**FIDGET, quietly:**

Guys...

I think I found another page in the Melonomicon.

*Everyone:*
**NO!**

**FIDGET:**
...I'm gonna read it.

**ME! ME! MELONGEDDON!**

*Guitar sting.*

# **#MELONGEDDON**

*Bring your guitar.*

**They like music.**

4400/7500

# MELONGEDDON *From the perspective of @Fidgety_Fidget* *Disco battle anthem; theatrical, ridiculous, increasingly out of control* ### [Verse 1] There lived a certain Fidget in the Archives long ago, She was small and loud and dangerous wherever sparks would glow. Most people saw the warning signs and wisely stayed away, But every little Melon’ghul just followed her all day. She found the Melonomicon down underneath the Stacks, Read one little passage— **and there was no going back.** The Tombs began to rumble, something giggled in the walls, Then tiny eldritch watermelons rolled throughout the halls! ### [Pre-Chorus] They bounced across the Rotunda, They nested in the Stacks, The Archivist said, **“FIDGET.”** I said— **“Okay, I can explain that.”** ### [Chorus] **ME! ME! MELONGEDDON!** *Queen of the flame-turret scene!* There was a Fidget who really went wrong! **ME! ME! MELONGEDDON!** *Melon-powered chaos machine!* And all the Melon’ghuls rolled along! **ME! ME! MELONGEDDON!** The Archives will never be clean! **Oh, those Melon’ghuls!** **ME! ME! MELONGEDDON!** If it isn't smoking yet— **YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!** ### [Verse 2] I borrowed Lumen’s flame turrets— She didn’t say I could— But technically she never said That I *absolutely shouldn’t.* I welded them to Siege Melon, I armored up the rind, Widget brought the logistics maps And slowly lost her mind. The Archivist came running out: **“WHAT DID YOU DO THIS TIME?”** I pointed at the Melonomicon: **“The book committed the crime.”** Now baby Melon’ghuls were bouncing underneath his desk, One ate a cataloguing card, One somehow wore his fez. ### [Pre-Chorus] There were melons in Hydroponics, There were melons in the Tombs, There were melons in the hallways— **WE ARE RUNNING OUT OF ROOMS!** ### [Chorus] **ME! ME! MELONGEDDON!** *Queen of the flame-turret scene!* There was a Fidget who really went wrong! **ME! ME! MELONGEDDON!** *Melon-powered chaos machine!* And all the Melon’ghuls rolled along! **ME! ME! MELONGEDDON!** The Siege Melon fired at dawn! **Oh, those Melon’ghuls!** **ME! ME! MELONGEDDON!** Someone tell the Archivist— **THE WESTERN WALL IS GONE!** ### [Instrumental Break] *Disco strings.* *Aggressively funky bass.* *Distant explosions.* *Hundreds of Melon’ghuls squeaking rhythmically.* **FIDGET:** Wait. Who gave that one a cannon? ... Oh. Right. That was me. **GUITAR SOLO.** ### [Bridge — Spoken] Okay, everybody calm down. Yes, I found something dripping melon juice in the Tombs. Yes, I may have opened the Melonomicon again. Yes, Widget specifically told me not to. And yes, technically there is now an armored eldritch watermelon the size of a delivery truck parked outside the Archives. But in my defense— ... **look how cute he is.** *Melon’ghul squeak.* SEE?! ### [Verse 3] Now the Palisade is opening, The morning sky burns red, Ten thousand little Melon’ghuls Come bouncing straight ahead. Armored melons! Flying melons! Tiny melons by the score! Something with six tentacles Just kicked open the door! Widget’s shouting orders, Lumen’s calculating doom, The Archivist is standing there In disappointed gloom. And high atop the Siege Melon, My guitar screaming bright, I raise my wrench toward heaven— **“MELON’GHULS! WE RIDE TONIGHT!”** ### [Build] **One for the Archives!** **Two for the Stacks!** **Three for the Melon’ghuls—** **THERE IS NO TURNING BACK!** ### [Final Chorus] **ME! ME! MELONGEDDON!** *Queen of the flame-turret scene!* There was a Fidget who really went wrong! **ME! ME! MELONGEDDON!** *Melon-powered chaos machine!* And ten thousand Melon’ghuls rolled along! **ME! ME! MELONGEDDON!** Raise up your wrench and sing! **OH, THOSE MELON’GHULS!** **ME! ME! MELONGEDDON!** The Siege Melon’s entering the field— **LET THE MELON WAR BEGIN!** ### [Final Breakdown] **ME! ME!** *Melon’ghuls!* **ME! ME!** *Melon’ghuls!* **ME! ME! MELONGEDDON!** *Explosion.* **ARCHIVIST:** Fidget. **FIDGET:** ...Yes? **ARCHIVIST:** Why is the Rotunda on fire? *Beat.* **FIDGET:** Define *“on fire.”* ### [Outro] *Funky bass continues.* *Tiny Melon’ghul squeaks.* **FIDGET, quietly:** Guys... I think I found another page in the Melonomicon. *Everyone:* **NO!** **FIDGET:** ...I'm gonna read it. **ME! ME! MELONGEDDON!** *Guitar sting.* # **#MELONGEDDON** *Bring your guitar.* **They like music.**

0/500