Sunlight On Demand!

Sunlight on Demand! Don't wait for the weather! Sunlight on Demand! Bind the orbit together! Sunlight on Demand! Are you tired of rainy days? Wish your crops could grow faster? Want more than 12 hours for some reason? Want the closest tan yet that looks like you had a one night stand with the sun itself? Trouble with vampires, or that one nosey neighbour? Want the ultimate "Fuck you in particular!" Space mirror experience? Introducing: Sunlight on demand! Yes you heard us right Sunlight. On. Demand! 1-800-SOLAR-NOW! Saturate your life! Beam it! Sizzle the earth! TOTALLY NOT A SPACE LASER! IT’S A MIRROR! (It’s definitely a mirror!) Standard package: Golden Hour. Premium: High Noon Power! (Careful with the "Supernova" setting, it’ll melt your mailbox!) Get the "Midday Glow" for just 69.99 a minute! (69 is still funny right?) "Midnight Sun" package may cause temporary blindness or permanent existential dread. If you sign up for the Platinum Plan We’ll keep your backyard bright while the rest of the planet is in the dark! (Wait, why is the grass turning brown?) Imagine a world... Where the shadow is a choice. Where the moon is just a suggestion. Where we charge you by the lumen. And if you miss a payment... ...WE TURN OFF THE SKY! SUNLIGHT ON DEMAND! Don't get left in the dark! SUNLIGHT ON DEMAND! Available for a limited time! Sizzle. Glow. Burn. Pay. Turn it on! S.O.D. SUNLIGHT ON DEMAND! The light you love, at the price we want! (Pay up!) Order now and we'll throw in a complimentary bottle of SPF 5,000! Disclaimer Sunlight on Demand is not responsible for: Sudden desertification Accidental arson Vaporization of pets Crop fires Sudden awakening of dormant volcanic activity Or the unexpected migration of giant insects. If you see a giant ant—We don't do ants. Disregard the ants... [End]