The Battle That Never Was (The Ballad of Karansebes)

[Verse 1] Out in the night, the Austrians ride, Looking for Turks with fear in their eyes. But instead, they found a gypsy band, Selling booze out in no-man's land. The cavalry cheered, "Let’s have a drink!" But the infantry followed, starting to think: "Why don’t we join, don’t be so rude!" And that’s when the fight was brewed. [Verse 2] Oh, they fought themselves, no enemy in sight, Shooting their brothers in the dead of night. Shouting, "The Turks!" as they ran in fright, The Battle of Karansebes, what a sight! [Verse 3] The shots rang out, a spark in the air, One panicked voice said, "The Turks are there!" The rumor spread like wildfire fast, As the Austrian army kicked its own ass. The officers screamed, "Hold your ground!" But in the chaos, they were knocked down. Cannons roared, men fell from grace, And the enemy hadn’t even shown their face. [Verse 4] Oh, they fought themselves, no foe in the fray, Beating their comrades in a drunken display. Running for cover, it was every man’s day, The Battle of Karansebes, where minds went astray! [Bridge] Panic spread through the moonlit sky, A cavalry charge, and nobody knew why. Stampedes and screams, all in the night, And not a single Turk in sight! [Verse 5] By morning’s light, the dust had cleared, The Austrian army was bruised and weird. The Turks arrived, but all they found Were broken bodies on the ground. Thousands lost, but not to a fight, Just a comedy of errors in the dead of night. The Ottomans laughed, “They did it for us!” The Austrians left with no one to trust. [Verse 6] Oh, they fought themselves, like fools in the dark, Not a Turk to be seen, not even a spark. A battle so stupid, it missed its own mark, The Battle of Karansebes, history’s lark! [Outro] So raise your glass to those who fought, In a battle where reason went for naught. When armies crumble all on their own, Karansebes stands alone, As the battle no one ever won!