CH 4: Negotiating with Death

I certainly feel I've had better days Given my circumstances that's fair to say Id turn to plan b at times likes this But when planning plan A I gave it a miss To "have a plan" you must think it through Work out your strengths, know what to do! But I don't know the rules I don't have a plan Escaping this hallway doing all that I can. You see I met this stranger: “I’m Death!” — said he. If I'm honest, he's not who I hoped to see. So I ran through the door, and got stuck in this hall How I went through I don't know at all. framed positive statements and Bland corporate beige, Can't get out, can't escape, stuck in a cage. Outrun Death? I'm not that fast Picking sports team I'm usually last. I can't outrun him for eternity you see But at the Chapman meeting I have to be. If I don't Graham will steal my thunder I horrible fate I don't want to ponder. Thought I was a little dead, maybe temporarily Now I’m DEAD dead. Yep, that’s the reality! Door handles my hand goes straight through! if I can't get through doors what can I do Check my pockets, my stuff is still here, it seems: Three pens, scrap paper, receipts, old phone screen! Sci-fi quote book — I memorise every line! Keys, hankie, wallet, cash — and a condom past its prime! If I died… how’d these things come along with me? Questions for later — none help me presently! Pass won’t work, doors won’t open, I’m stuck in this spot — And then a voice behind me, cold and hot — Then there was death..sigh “Why do I get all the difficult ones? Look, Robert —” “ARRRGGGHHH!” C’mon now, Bob — the door was open wide! No use in screaming, there’s nowhere to hide! Everyone expects the seven-foot bony one Grim reaper, big scythe, I'm his son. He does celebrities, kings of the age Perks of being the first one to hold the stage! I’m Azrael. Ozzy, we can be friends I can show you to your eternal end. But I want to really move things on Before my chances with this girl are gone Hope is beautiful and really hot This maybe the only chance I got. Her eyes are green are hair is red I heard 'I'm cute' is what she said Plus she's got these amazing.. Excuse me, I hate to interrupt, but hello Apologies but I don't want to go I get you want to make things snappy Go on your date, make her happy Let me get back to my life Live on have career get a wife.. Umm like nooo Your voice — it’s lost that big booming sound! Like the Wizard of Oz all smoke no crown! And isn’t everyone meant to die at their time? Can't you move schedules I'm surely in my prime! Death turned - The voice comes with the job! Admit it you found it epic Bob. People really expect me to bring the noise! The dark grim cosmic and gothic poise I don't get sick days I don't get leave I get more work than you'd believe And “destiny variance” that's out my control Other departments watch your soul Can I speak to a manager? Someone above you? This feels like a system that’s fallen right through! OZZY said enough questions just go with the flow Though in truth the answer is no. I don’t care about your dates! I care about my work! I have a duty you want me to shirk If Graham Foster gets my glory? That will hurt! But you really only care about is to go and flirt. Look It’s petty, Bob! You’re dead! Your old life is done! Worry ’bout your soul, not a meeting — then you’ve already won! We’ve got a problem, a standoff, a twist in the plot! Dead man and Death — and we’re both in a spot! He wants his meeting, I want my date! What’re we gonna do now? Negotiate! My internet history? Fine! Let that slide! But my work — my project — Graham will take it with pride! I poured hours in! I planned it all through! Graham will claim it was all his view Can I go back to my body? — can't get done Can we take Graham out? — sure I'm a hitman let's have some fun... Or not let's just go with no.. Is being temporarily dead all that absurd! - Don't be ridiculous Have you not heard a word?! Okay, okay — calm down, let’s think this through! Where are your notes? Tell me — what’s the venue? Hard copies? Paper? Or digital space? On my desktop — one file, in one place! Line manager’s got rights — he’ll hand it in straight! Then we’ve got a solution — we can close the gate. If it’s on your computer — the drive’s the key! We take the hardware — it comes with me! No file, no glory for Graham Foster that day — And then you come with me! Deal? Okay?! For the lift do you have a pass I can't see? For any door death has a skeleton key Systems, locks, and barriers — all just a joke! A perk of the job like the voice oh which I spoke! We’re going to your desk — the hard drive’s the prize! To its final rest — under my watch, it shall rise! Then you come with me — no more delays, no more fuss! …Never been so nervous when lift doors opened for us! Got a plan! Sort of! Kind of! We’re moving along! Dead man and Death — and we’re getting it done! He gets his date — I save my work from the thief! Deal is struck! Now — let’s go! Time is brief!