Goin’ for a Spin in Uncle Herb’s Boat

(A Newfoundland Folk Comedy Song) (Verse 1) Uncle Herb said, “Take ‘er easy, my son, She’s got a few quirks, but she still likes to run.” She leaks a wee bit, but just bail as you go, And don’t touch the throttle—she’ll buck like a doe. (Chorus) Oh, I’m goin’ for a spin in Uncle Herb’s boat, She’s half full of water but somehow still floats. The motor’s held on with duct tape and hope, But we’re givin’ ‘er, buys, with a prayer and a toke! (Verse 2) Started ‘er up, well, she coughed and she choked, Let out a bang, near filled my shorts with smoke. She rattled and wheezed, then jumped like a trout, I held on for dear life as we tore from the out! (Chorus) Oh, I’m goin’ for a spin in Uncle Herb’s boat, She’s got no brakes, and the wheel’s just for show. The GPS says we’re halfway to France, And the bilge pump’s workin’ on pure happenstance! (Bridge – Spoken) Now the waves picked up, and the sky turned grey, I thought, “Dear Lord, this ain’t my day.” Then I heard a crack—was it wood or my spine? Too late to turn back, just pray she holds fine! (Verse 3) She started takin’ on water, but Herb had a plan, Said, “Stick your boot in the hole, and we’ll make it to land.” We hit the wharf sideways, near took out the shed, But at least we survived—barely, not dead! (Final Chorus) Oh, I’m goin’ for a spin in Uncle Herb’s boat, It’s a miracle, boys, that we stayed afloat. Next time I’ll walk or just stay on the shore, ‘Cause that boat’s one wave from the ocean floor! (Outro – Fiddle & Accordion Fade Out...)