A Different Kind of Wear

[low mutter] [pre-dawn] Billy haul me out half-living boots on wrong, head bad with spite dawn come scratching at the curtains like it got some claim on night Mouth all bitter nerves all wire days gone dry of easy smoke Punch and Judy in me still and last night's drink laid on my throat I said this better not be foolish better not be fur and air you saw one rabbit by a stream now you got me stumbling there Billy do his Billy business half a shrug and half a clue kept on walking through the blue-black like he knew what I should do [still hard] There he was beside the water small and steady in the gray not dressed up in any welcome yet the whole place bent his way So I handed him a sharp one just to see what he would wear most folk snap or duck or sidestep most throw smoke back in the air I said you don't wear a smile, then what you wear when people come he said I make a little room, friend for whatever they bring along That went under all my barking under pride and under ache no attack and no defense there nothing for my edge to take [turn] People wear smiles Billy wear the truth askew TuTuRo wore my edges and I didn't know he do He hand me something warm and simple didn't bless it, didn't sell just enough to cool the burn some just enough to break the spell And I take it like I mistrust anything that might be kind but the heat get to my fingers before it ever reach my mind [softening] Light come thin across the water mist lift easy from the reeds birdsong testing out the silence like the air itself could breathe And I swear the world quit scraping not forever, just enough like the morning laid one finger on the place I'd grown too rough That hot wire I been living on how it gone so still in me what go fill the hole it leaving if the burn let go for free I near hated that small easing like relief might be a lie like if I let my shoulders drop now something cruel would still arrive But the cup stay warm between us and the stream keep moving on and that rabbit who don't need a smile make the hardest part feel gone [slight lift] Billy ask about one thing said passing-like the day before TuTuRo watch the running water say some trouble keep a door Say they leave when people name them then come rooting back once more old red hunger old possession some call that the Crimson Boar I should laugh and cut the moment I should spit and call it strange but the light was finding everything and I felt too tired to rage [near-religious rise] No big thunder no revelation no clean halo no fixed prayer just the dark inside me thinning in a different kind of wear Came there mean and near corroded sick in belly, soul, and stare left with morning in my bloodstream and his calm still resting there Not enlightened not made noble not made pure and not reborn just less buried than when Billy drag me growling toward the morn People wear smiles some wear distance some wear wit to keep things far TuTuRo wore my edges till I could feel where my soft parts are [quiet] [first light] And the river took the new sun like a blade turned into grace and I held that little warmth there like it fit an emptied place