I only came in for bread. [72 BPM | 6/8 | Em | ONE MATURE FEMALE MEZZO | PIANO + BASS | PERFECTLY CALM] And perhaps some cheese. [G6 | SOFT VIBRATO | TREMOLO GUITAR] I was having a lovely day. [Cmaj7 | BRUSHES | WARM STRINGS] Then I met this fucking machine. [B7 | MUSIC STOPS | LOW DISGUST] “Unexpected item in bagging area.” [SAME SINGER | FLAT, MACHINE-LIKE] I beg your finest fucking pardon? [Em | DRY | ELEGANT OUTRAGE] I scanned the milk. [Em | PIANO] Beep. [SAME VOICE | TINY, DRY] I scanned the wine. [G | LIGHT STRINGS] Beep. [SAME VOICE | DEAD FLAT] I scanned the bread. [Cmaj7 | STILL POISED] And apparently committed a felony. [B7 | DARK STRINGS] “Please remove the unexpected item.” [SAME VOICE | FLAT] There is no unexpected item. [Em | LOW | PATIENT] Bread. [G | SHORT] Cheese. [Cmaj7 | SHORT] Milk. [Am7 | SHORT] Wine. [B7 | ROMANTIC SWELL] Especially the fucking wine. [Em | WARM VIBRATO] “Unexpected item in bagging area.” [SAME VOICE | FLAT] Yes, bitch, I heard you. [LOW G3 | PIANO ONLY] I lifted the bag. [Am7 | BRUSHES] I lowered the bag. [Cmaj7 | GUITAR ANSWER] I moved the bread left. [B7 | STRINGS QUIVER] I moved the bastard right. [Em | CELLO ANSWER] Nothing pleased her. [G | LOW] This electronic cunt. [Cmaj7 | BEAUTIFUL LEGATO | DEAD SERIOUS] I am trying my best. [Am7 | SINCERE] You are a machine. [B7 | STRINGS RISE] I am a fucking human being. [Em | DRAMATIC SWELL] “Please wait for assistance.” [SAME VOICE | FLAT] Oh, brilliant. [LOW B3 | COLD] Now the whole fucking shop can watch. [B7 | STRINGS SWELL] The machine forgave me. [Cmaj7 | HEAVENLY STRINGS] For six fucking seconds. [B7 | DROP] “Unexpected item in bagging area.” [SAME VOICE | DEAD FLAT] Oh, you absolute BITCH. [Em | HUGE ORCHESTRAL HIT] UNEXPECTED ITEM! [G | FULL STRINGS | SOARING] IN BAGGING AREA! [D7 | WARM BRASS | HIGH A4] I've moved the bread! [Em | STRINGS PULSE] I've moved the cheese! [Cmaj7 | HIGHER] I've bent myself backwards for this piece of shit machine! [B7 | BIG CLIMB] Madam— [Cmaj7 | BAND DROPS] there are only fucking groceries here! [B7 | FULL BAND] Unless you mean me— [Am7 | PAUSE] because I am becoming unexpected. [Em | LOW, DANGEROUS] “Please place item in bagging area.” [SAME VOICE | FLAT] IT IS IN THE FUCKING BAGGING AREA. [G | BRASS STAB] “Please remove item from bagging area.” [SAME VOICE | FLAT] MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MIND! [B7→Em | HUGE STRING FALL] A woman turned to look at me. [Em | PIANO ONLY] Don't fucking look at me. [G | LOW] You weren't here at the beginning. [Cmaj7 | POINTED] A child started crying. [Am7 | DISTANT STRINGS] Good. [B7 | DRY] At least somebody understands. [Em | WARM, TEARFUL] “Everything okay?” [SAME SINGER | LIGHTLY MIMICKED] Does this look fucking okay? [Cmaj7 | SWEETLY SUNG] I am arguing with a cupboard. [B7 | STRINGS RISE] And the bastard is winning. [Em | DEEP VIBRATO] “Would you like some help?” [SAME SINGER | FLATTER] I wanted help ten minutes ago. [Am7 | VOICE CRACKS] Now I want justice. [B7 | ORCHESTRAL SWELL] And compensation. [Em | MUTED HORN] Possibly a medal. [G | TINY STRING FLOURISH] “Do you have a loyalty card?” [SAME VOICE | MACHINE-FLAT] NO. [Em | FULL STOP] I HAVE NO FUCKING LOYALTY LEFT. [G | BRASS] NOT TO THIS SHOP. [Cmaj7 | STRINGS CLIMB] NOT TO THIS MACHINE. [Am7 | HIGHER] NOT TO THAT BITCH BY THE BANANAS. [B7 | FULL ORCHESTRA] Stop staring, Sandra! [Em | DRUM HIT] I don't know your name. [G | QUICK] You just look like a fucking Sandra. [Cmaj7 | SWEET, POISONOUS] “Unexpected item in bagging area.” [SAME VOICE | FLAT] THAT'S FUCKING IT. [B7 | SILENCE] UNEXPECTED ITEM! [Ab | KEY CHANGE | FULL STRINGS + BRASS] IN BAGGING AREA! [Eb7 | GRAND CLIMAX] CALL THE MANAGER! [Db | BRASS HIT] CALL THE POLICE! [Bbm | STRINGS CLIMB] CALL THE FUCKING POPE! [Eb7 | HUGE RISE] I've scanned the bread! [Ab | HIGH] I've paid the price! [Fm | HIGHER] I've followed your bullshit instructions twice! [Db | SWEEPING STRINGS] And now she's saying it again— [Eb7 | BUILD] “Unexpected item—” [SAME VOICE | MACHINE-FLAT] DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE. [ORCHESTRA CRASH] “Assistance is on its way.” [SAME VOICE | COMPLETELY CALM] It had better be a priest. [LOW C4 | PIANO] Or a lawyer. [Db | CELLO] Or someone with a fucking hammer. [Eb7 | STRINGS RETURN] Because I am leaving with this bread. [Ab | FINAL VIBRATO] And this cheese. [Fm | SMALL PAUSE] And the wine. [Db | WARM STRINGS] Especially the fucking wine. [Eb7 | GRAND SWELL] “Receipt?” [SAME VOICE | FLAT] Shove it up your arse. [LOW Ab3 | PERFECTLY CALM | FINAL CHORD]
