[Intro – lively crunchy guitar riff, bouncing melodic bass, driving punk drums] [Verse 1 – upbeat melodic female punk vocal] Friday night, corner pub, found myself a quiet seat, Pint in front, coat beside me, finally off my fucking feet. Then some woman drops her handbag on the empty chair nearby, Looks straight at me and says, “Sorry we're late!” I should've asked her why. Instead I sort of nodded, like an absolute fucking fool, Then three more people join us and start pulling up some stools. One says, “God, it's been forever!” I just smile and take a drink. There was still a way out then. I just didn't fucking think. [Pre-Chorus – playful build] Could've said, “Sorry, wrong person.” Three perfectly normal words. But somebody ordered another round— and somehow that felt worse. [Chorus – big catchy melodic punk vocal] NOT MY TABLE! NOT MY FRIENDS! DON'T KNOW HOW THE FUCK I GOT THIS DEEP IN THE END! NOT MY TABLE! I DON'T KNOW YOUR NAMES! BUT I'VE MISSED THE POINT WHERE I CAN LEAVE WITHOUT EXPLAINING EVERYTHING! So pass the drink, I'll fucking stay— I guess these are my friends today! [Instrumental – bright dirty guitar hook] [Verse 2 – fast storytelling vocal] Woman with the handbag's Claire. Good. That's one name learned. Bloke beside her might be Simon, but I'm not completely certain. Then Claire leans across the table, voice gets low above the din, Says, “You know what Kevin did?” No. But apparently we fucking hate him. Turns out Kevin missed her birthday, then blamed traffic for a week, Borrowed money off her sister, called her “dramatic” when she'd speak. I nod along appropriately, because Kevin sounds like shit, And by the end of fifteen minutes I'm emotionally invested in it. [Pre-Chorus – more energetic] Could still leave. Probably. Maybe after this. But Claire just grabbed my fucking hand and said, “I knew you'd get it.” [Chorus – bigger] NOT MY TABLE! NOT MY FRIENDS! BUT KEVIN SOUNDS LIKE A FUCKING PRICK, TO BE FAIR! NOT MY TABLE! STILL DON'T KNOW THAT GUY'S NAME! BUT HE BOUGHT ME HALF A LAGER SO I'M STAYING ALL THE SAME! Wrong pub? Wrong seat? Wrong social group? Fuck it. I'm already in too deep! [Instrumental Break – melodic guitar lead, driving bass] [Verse 3 – quick playful vocal] Now we're talking holidays, someone's showing wedding pics, Claire says Sarah's changed completely, I agree that Sarah's— [Rhythmic guitar accent] ...probably changed. They ask me what I think of Darren. Who the fuck is Darren? Apparently I met him Christmas. That's becoming hard to square. So I dodge it with, “He's complicated.” Four heads nod around the beer. Holy shit. That fucking worked. I'm staying here. Now they're telling old stories, leaving gaps for me to fill, I laugh half a second later and nobody suspects me still. I've learned Claire works in finance, Simon definitely is Steve, And Kevin isn't coming tonight— Thank fuck. I'd have to improvise. [Chorus – energetic, slightly rougher] NOT MY TABLE! NOT MY FRIENDS! I'VE BEEN HERE TWO FUCKING HOURS AND I CAN'T SEE HOW THIS ENDS! NOT MY TABLE! BUT I'M PART OF SOMETHING NOW! I'VE GOT OPINIONS ABOUT KEVIN AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW! Pass the chips! Another round! Apparently I'm staying now! [Bridge – warm melodic punk, fully sung] Then Claire says she's been struggling, that this year's been fucking rough, Says she nearly didn't come tonight, she'd almost had enough. And suddenly it's not that funny, sitting underneath the lights, Because she looks genuinely grateful that I happened here tonight. So I tell her Kevin's still a prick, but she'll be fucking fine, And if leaving him was difficult, she probably chose right. She smiles and pulls me closer, says, “I'm really glad you came.” And that's the exact moment I realise— she still doesn't know my name. [Band builds] [Final Verse – fast joyful punk vocal] Last orders! Chairs move! Everyone gets coats! Steve confirms that he is Steve, which clears up several notes! Someone takes a group photo, Claire pulls me inside, Now there's photographic evidence I lived somebody else's life tonight. They say, “Same time next Friday?” I should finally tell the truth. But Kevin might be there next week— and frankly I want proof. So I say I'll fucking try, Claire hugs me at the door, Walk outside with six new contacts I did not have before. [Final Chorus – huge melodic punk vocal] NOT MY TABLE! NOW MAYBE IT IS! DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED BUT I'M ROLLING WITH THIS SHIT! NOT MY TABLE! BUT I GUESS WE'LL FUCKING SEE! CLAIRE JUST ADDED ME TO A GROUP CHAT— [Shout-sung] SO THAT'S THAT, APPARENTLY! Wrong place! Wrong night! Wrong fucking crew! Still had nothing better to do! NOT MY TABLE! NOT MY PLAN! BUT FUCK IT— I'M A REGULAR NOW! [Final upbeat guitar riff]
