WHO STOLE THE TARTS? [Cold Open — King’s voice] The court will come to order. [Gavel] KNOCK! [Queen] Sentence first! [Alice] Don’t you need a verdict? [Queen] I said— [Gavel becomes the beat] KNOCK! KNOCK! [Bass drops] Who stole the tarts? Who-who stole the tarts? Point that finger Play your part Who stole— Who stole— WHO STOLE THE TARTS? [Verse 1 — court crier / rhythmic rap] Queen made the accusation King put on the crown Knave stood in the middle While the cards wrote it down Twelve little jurors Writing what they heard Writing down their names ’Cause they might forget the word Evidence missing Logic running late Whole room hungry With the pastry on the plate [Pre-Drop — overlapping voices] KING: Call the first witness! QUEEN: Take off his head! ALICE: He hasn’t said anything! HATTER: I’d rather not be dead! [Gavel] KNOCK-KA! KNOCK-KA! [MAIN DROP] WHO STOLE THE TARTS? Tell me, tell me Everybody talking But the truth ain’t ready WHO STOLE THE TARTS? Pick a card Make the accusation Hit the gavel hard Knock-knock! Scribble-scratch! Where’s the proof? Sentence first— Then invent the truth! Whole court wild Whole case dark Everybody guilty— WHO STOLE THE TARTS? [Instrumental Courtroom Break] (Knock-ka! Scratch-ka! Shuffle-shuffle!) (Order! Order!) (Huh!) BRRRAH—KNOCK! [Witness 1 — Hatter, nervous rapid flow] Tea was on the table Bread was in my hand I don’t know the answer I don’t understand Hat still mine Time still stuck Asked me when I started— I said, “Wish me luck!” [Queen] He’s wasting our time! [Hatter] Time and I aren’t speaking. [Witness 2 — Cook, aggressive rhythm] Pepper in the kitchen Tarts weren’t in my pan Ask me one more question— Catch this frying pan! CLANG! [Witness 3 — Dormouse, half asleep] Twinkle… twinkle… [Queen] NEXT! [DROP — overlapping call and response] Who saw the crime? NOBODY! Who knows the truth? NOBODY! Who gets blamed? SOMEBODY! Who made the rules? [Queen] I DID! [Bass impact] KNOCK-KNOCK! Order in the bass! [Verse 2 — Alice grows stronger] Paper in the courtroom Verse without a name Words don’t fit together Still they call it evidence King turned it backward Queen called it clear Alice started growing— And outgrowing fear Cards getting smaller Voice getting strong She looked around the courtroom And finally saw it wrong [Tension Build] KING: Rule forty-two! ALICE: You just made that up. QUEEN: Hold your tongue! ALICE: I’ve heard enough. [Beat cuts] There is no case. There is no proof. There is no justice— Without the truth. [HEAVIEST DROP] WHO STOLE THE TARTS? Nobody knows! King got a crown But he ain’t got control WHO STOLE THE TARTS? Queen went mad Knave got blamed For the rules that she had Knock-ka! Scratch-ka! Cards gon’ fall Your courtroom ain’t justice— It’s theater with walls! Point that finger Play your part Everybody lying— WHO STOLE THE TARTS? [Extended Ensemble Groove] KING: Order! QUEEN: Sentence! HATTER: Tea time! COOK: More pepper! JURY: Write it down! ALICE: Stand back! (Knock-ka, shuffle, scratch-ka, clap!) (Knock-ka, shuffle, scratch-ka—) [Alice — towering vocal] You’re not frightening. You’re just loud. [Final bass hit] KNOCK!
