Hey. ...Is this recording? Okay. Stopped answering... couldn't explain why. Been too long now. Can't answer now. Easier to just leave them there. Was doing all right, actually. For about an hour. Found somewhere nobody needs anything from me. Curtains shut. Stopped checking what day it is. Plates by the bed, meant to take them down. Bin's full. Put things next to it. Thought if I cut everything down to one room I'd get some quiet to think. All day to think. Nothing's come of it. Door's shut. Never locked it. Locking it means getting up. I know, I know, could call or text somebody. Wrote the message. Changed the first line four times. Out of breath from lying down. Every day I don't answer, the answer gets harder to write. Now it needs a sorry and a reason, and I haven't got one. I've got a door I shut myself and a phone I turned face down. Wanted somewhere to stop. Nobody made me stay. I keep making it worse. Stupid what my head does with a quiet room. Finds something I said wrong six years ago, plays it back like a review. Like there's still a lesson in it. Call myself useless. Too tired to do anything that'd prove me wrong. Washing's still there. Email's still there. Haven't touched either. Face in the pillow, hope I don't wake. Didn't work. Wake up like I've been in a fucking Royal Rumble. Been this way, don't know since when. Whole world outside this room. I know. I've seen the weather on my phone. Keep thinking if I got some decent sleep... one night where my head leaves me alone. Sleep till the afternoon. Wake up already behind. Every day I don't answer, the answer gets harder to write. Now it needs a sorry and a reason, and I haven't got one. I've got a door I shut myself and a phone I turned face down. Wanted somewhere to stop. Nobody made me stay. I keep making it worse. Think I passed out. Or slept. Don't know. No real difference lately. A second nothing hurt. Neck's bent wrong, same thought waiting. Nothing changed while I was gone. Hate that. Hate that I keep expecting it to, without me doing a thing. Used to know what to do with a day. Nothing special. Up, food, go out if I needed something. Now I negotiate getting into the shower. Then getting out. Five minutes, I say. Then five more. Till the water runs cold. Someone sent a video of their dog. Watched it three times. Didn't reply. Wanted to. That's the stupid bit. Wanted to say something normal, couldn't find the way back in. Every day I don't answer, the answer gets harder to write. Now it needs a sorry and a reason, and I haven't got one. I've got a door I shut myself. Wanted somewhere to stop. Nobody made me stay. I keep making it worse. Every day I don't... Every day... I keep making it worse. I keep making it worse. Still got the message open. Thread says eleven days. Could say, "Sorry, been a bit rough." That's not even a lie. ... I'll send it in a minute.
