Love Handles

[Intro: big guitar riff, drums crash in] [Verse 1] First hot Saturday at the city pool Lifeguard's nineteen, and he thinks he's cool Teenagers oiled up, flexing by the rail Me with a cooler and a ponytail I took my shirt off, and the whole deck froze Little kid pointed, and he held his nose Forty-six, and I'm proud of every pound Every Sunday brisket, every extra round Kid with a noodle said, Mom, is that a whale I said, killer whale, son, and I'm off the scale [Chorus] I got love handles, baby, take ahold Built for the long haul, built for the cold Your six-pack's a rental, baby, I own the keg Love handles, honey, give 'em a squeeze, I beg [Verse 2] Walked to the high dive, and the ladder groaned Lifeguard stood up with his megaphone Every rung was asking, buddy, are you sure I said, I've been sure since nineteen ninety-four Stood on the end, and the board bent low Whole pool quiet like the start of a show Lifeguard on the megaphone, sir, please come down I said, son, I didn't climb up here to turn around Wife in the bleachers with her hands on her face Kids pretending they were born in another place [Chorus] I got love handles, baby, take ahold Built for the long haul, built for the cold Your six-pack's a rental, baby, I own the keg Love handles, honey, give 'em a squeeze, I beg [Bridge: a second drum kit crashes in, both kits pounding] Cannonball, baby, tuck it in and fly Biggest splash this county's ever seen Wave hit the snack bar, wiped the nachos clean Lifeguard's in the deep end, and he's laughing too Every kid is yelling do it again, so I do [Verse 3: both drummers] Climbed out the water, and my wife was there Towel on her shoulder and the sun in her hair She grabbed my love handles, and she pulled me in Said, these are mine, and I like where they've been Twenty pounds of Sundays, every birthday cake Every Friday pizza that we stayed home to make Lifeguard's got a six-pack and a perfect tan She don't grab him, she grabs her own man [Final Chorus] I got love handles, baby, take ahold Built for the long haul, built for the cold Your six-pack's a rental, baby, I own the keg Love handles, honey, give 'em a squeeze, I beg She grabbed my love handles in front of the whole town And she held on tight, and she never put me down [Outro: both kits and the riff, one last crash] [End]