Parking Lot Warriors

modern Hip Hop, Hardcore Hip Hop, Midwest Hip Hop

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V5.5

Saturday. 2:17 PM.
A shopping center parking lot.
Capacity: 200 vehicles.
Current occupancy: 200 vehicles.
Cars still entering: yes.
Reason: unknown.
God's plan, presumably.

Welcome to the battlefield, asphalt and white lines
Where civility goes to die between the parking signs
Our first subject pulls in confident, head held high
Sees the lot is full — doesn't process why
Keeps driving anyway, surely there's a spot
Past the first row, second row, third row — not
A single space available, the evidence is clear
But logic left this parking lot approximately last year
Meanwhile in aisle four a legend has emerged
A single SUV across two spaces — undisturbed
Perfectly centered, deliberately placed
Two spots consumed, one vehicle, zero shame on his face
The double parker strikes at the entrance of the store
Hazards on — that means it's legal, that's what hazards are for
Blocking half the lane, inconveniencing nine
"I'll be right back" he says — he will not be right back. Not this time.

These are the parking lot warriors, fighting for the space
Thirty minutes circling, same expression on their face
No exits, no surrender, no spots, no end in sight
Just warriors in sedans looking for a fight
These are the parking lot warriors, keepers of the line
The ones who park so close you need a shoehorn just to climb
Into your own car — yeah that's their legacy
Parking lot warriors — and they park next to me

Aisle seven, a miracle — backup lights are on
Someone's leaving! Angels sing! The drought is gone!
Our hero activates his blinker, claims the sacred ground
Waits patiently — and then — someone comes around
From the opposite direction, no blinker, no remorse
Just pulls right in and parks like it was always his of course
Eye contact through the windshield — a moment frozen in time
Two strangers. One spot. An unspoken crime.
The too-close parker has arrived in spot B4
Six inches from the line — technically not against the law
Our subject returns with groceries, cart in tow
Opens the door approximately three centimeters — oh
Squeezes through sideways, dignity intact — barely
The too-close parker is inside his car, staring fairly
Ahead. Not moving. Not acknowledging the chaos he has caused.
Just existing. Peacefully. Without a single pause.

…And then.
There's the lot.
The full lot.
Two hundred cars. Two hundred spaces.
The sign at the entrance says… nothing.
The attendant waves you in.
You drive in.
…It's full.
You circle aisle one.
…Nothing.
Aisle two.
…Nothing.
Aisle three — wait — someone's walking to their car.
You follow them.
Slowly.
Creepily.
For forty meters.
They reach their car.
They put their bags in.
They check their phone.
They respond to a text.
They make a call.
…
THEY'RE NOT LEAVING.
THEY JUST NEEDED THEIR CAR FOR WIFI.

Round four, same aisles, same faces, same pain
The lot has become a carousel of automotive shame
A minivan's been circling since approximately noon
She has the look of someone who has accepted her doom
The entrance keeps admitting cars — a beautiful mystery
As if the lot will somehow expand throughout history
Supply and demand means nothing here today
The parking lot has its own economy, its own way
A spot opens up in the back — the very last row
A hundred meters from the door through rain and wind and snow
Three cars converge from different aisles simultaneously
A standoff. Nobody moves. Everyone breathing heavily.
The smallest car wins — slides in without a word
The other two drive off without making a sound heard
Back to the carousel, back to the loop, back to the start
The parking lot warrior carries on — that's the art

At 4:43 PM the parking lot began to empty.
Spaces opened naturally, as they always do.
The warriors who had circled for forty minutes
found spots immediately upon returning.
They were thirty meters from the entrance.
They had passed this spot eleven times.
…The double parker got a ticket.
…The two-spot SUV did not.
…Nobody is surprised.
…The lot is now full again.
…A new wave is entering.
...But I'm done.

4434/7500

Saturday. 2:17 PM. A shopping center parking lot. Capacity: 200 vehicles. Current occupancy: 200 vehicles. Cars still entering: yes. Reason: unknown. God's plan, presumably. Welcome to the battlefield, asphalt and white lines Where civility goes to die between the parking signs Our first subject pulls in confident, head held high Sees the lot is full — doesn't process why Keeps driving anyway, surely there's a spot Past the first row, second row, third row — not A single space available, the evidence is clear But logic left this parking lot approximately last year Meanwhile in aisle four a legend has emerged A single SUV across two spaces — undisturbed Perfectly centered, deliberately placed Two spots consumed, one vehicle, zero shame on his face The double parker strikes at the entrance of the store Hazards on — that means it's legal, that's what hazards are for Blocking half the lane, inconveniencing nine "I'll be right back" he says — he will not be right back. Not this time. These are the parking lot warriors, fighting for the space Thirty minutes circling, same expression on their face No exits, no surrender, no spots, no end in sight Just warriors in sedans looking for a fight These are the parking lot warriors, keepers of the line The ones who park so close you need a shoehorn just to climb Into your own car — yeah that's their legacy Parking lot warriors — and they park next to me Aisle seven, a miracle — backup lights are on Someone's leaving! Angels sing! The drought is gone! Our hero activates his blinker, claims the sacred ground Waits patiently — and then — someone comes around From the opposite direction, no blinker, no remorse Just pulls right in and parks like it was always his of course Eye contact through the windshield — a moment frozen in time Two strangers. One spot. An unspoken crime. The too-close parker has arrived in spot B4 Six inches from the line — technically not against the law Our subject returns with groceries, cart in tow Opens the door approximately three centimeters — oh Squeezes through sideways, dignity intact — barely The too-close parker is inside his car, staring fairly Ahead. Not moving. Not acknowledging the chaos he has caused. Just existing. Peacefully. Without a single pause. These are the parking lot warriors, fighting for the space Thirty minutes circling, same expression on their face No exits, no surrender, no spots, no end in sight Just warriors in sedans looking for a fight These are the parking lot warriors, keepers of the line The ones who park so close you need a shoehorn just to climb Into your own car — yeah that's their legacy Parking lot warriors — and they park next to me …And then. There's the lot. The full lot. Two hundred cars. Two hundred spaces. The sign at the entrance says… nothing. The attendant waves you in. You drive in. …It's full. You circle aisle one. …Nothing. Aisle two. …Nothing. Aisle three — wait — someone's walking to their car. You follow them. Slowly. Creepily. For forty meters. They reach their car. They put their bags in. They check their phone. They respond to a text. They make a call. … THEY'RE NOT LEAVING. THEY JUST NEEDED THEIR CAR FOR WIFI. Round four, same aisles, same faces, same pain The lot has become a carousel of automotive shame A minivan's been circling since approximately noon She has the look of someone who has accepted her doom The entrance keeps admitting cars — a beautiful mystery As if the lot will somehow expand throughout history Supply and demand means nothing here today The parking lot has its own economy, its own way A spot opens up in the back — the very last row A hundred meters from the door through rain and wind and snow Three cars converge from different aisles simultaneously A standoff. Nobody moves. Everyone breathing heavily. The smallest car wins — slides in without a word The other two drive off without making a sound heard Back to the carousel, back to the loop, back to the start The parking lot warrior carries on — that's the art At 4:43 PM the parking lot began to empty. Spaces opened naturally, as they always do. The warriors who had circled for forty minutes found spots immediately upon returning. They were thirty meters from the entrance. They had passed this spot eleven times. …The double parker got a ticket. …The two-spot SUV did not. …Nobody is surprised. …The lot is now full again. …A new wave is entering. ...But I'm done.

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