[Intro – Spoken] Congratulations! You have successfully released one fully licensed genie. Before making your first wish, please read the terms and conditions. Yes. All of them. [Verse 1] You may wish for money, you may wish for fame, a castle by the ocean with a ridiculously long name. You can ask for a pony, a yacht or a crown, but before you get excited there are rules we must lay down. [Pre-Chorus] Think before you say it, say exactly what you mean. There's a difference between “make me rich” and “fill my house with beans.” [Chorus] Read the rulebook for wishes, every clause from A to Z. You get three, you get three, you get exactly three. No returns, no exchanges, no “that's not what I meant!” Once the magic leaves the bottle, that wish is officially spent. Read the rulebook for wishes, check the wording carefully. And please don't rub the lamp again while the genie is eating. [Verse 2] You cannot wish for four wishes. You cannot wish for ten. You cannot wish for more genies who give you three again. No wishing for a wish machine, no magic wishing tree. No lawyer may redefine the word “unlimited” for free. You can't make somebody love you. That's not love, that's control. And immortality requires you to read Appendix O. Bringing back the dead? Well... technically there's a form. [Spoken Genie] Twenty-seven pages. Three witnesses. And they usually come back weird. [Chorus] Read the rulebook for wishes, you get exactly three. No returns, no exchanges, so choose them carefully. Read the rulebook for wishes, because wording can get weird: “I want a million bucks” might mean your house fills up with deer. [Verse 3] You may wish to speak French, but accents aren't guaranteed. You may wish to run much faster — we don't specify the speed. You can wish to be the tallest, but consider doors and planes. You can wish it never rains again — then please explain that to the plains. You can ask to know the future, but spoilers can't be unseen. You can wish for perfect singing, but taste is not included free. [Bridge – Genie & Wisher] [Wisher] What if I wish for world peace? [Genie] Permitted. [Wisher] End all hunger? [Genie] Excellent. [Wisher] Make Mondays disappear? [Genie] Denied. [Wisher] Why? [Genie] Tuesday filed an objection. [Wisher] Can I wish for more time? [Genie] Define “time.” [Wisher] Can I think about it? [Genie] Of course. [Wisher] How long? [Genie] Your parking meter expires in six minutes. [Final Chorus] Read the rulebook for wishes, now you're ready, more or less. Pick your words with some precision, magic loves a clever mess. Three chances, three decisions, three small changes to reality. And after wish number three... [Music stops] [Spoken Genie] Ah. The small print. [Fast Spoken Outro] By making a wish, you agree: All castles are supplied unfurnished. Dragons attracted by castles are your responsibility. Sudden wealth may result in relatives you've never met. Invisibility does not include clothing unless specifically requested. Teleportation does not guarantee luggage arrival. Talking animals cannot be returned for being annoying. “The perfect partner” requires you to be a reasonably decent partner too. Eternal youth does not cancel taxes. Mind reading may reveal things you desperately wish you hadn't heard. And wishing for “a surprise” means you accept whatever happens next. [Music speeds up] After Wish Three, all unused wishes expire. You must return borrowed magical artifacts, feed accidentally summoned creatures, remove all glitter, leave the lamp reasonably clean, and provide the Genie with one hot meal, reasonable travel expenses, and a five-star review. The Genie reserves the right to take weekends off, public holidays, and every second Thursday for reasons that will not be explained. Side effects may include: confusion, unexpected royalty, spontaneous singing, minor time travel, major time travel, goats, additional goats, and realizing your first wish was incredibly stupid. [Music stops] After the third wish, the Genie leaves. No fourth wish. No appeals. No extensions. And anything you forgot to wish for... [Pause] ...you'll have to do yourself. [Genie – quietly] Should've read the rulebook.
