Don’t Tell Her I Like It Feral Manchild (Final Cut)

[Start] [Intro – Spoken / Bass Hum, Light Guitar Skank] Right. My girlfriend watches this show. It’s called *The Great British Knitting Show.* And before anybody starts, aye, it is exactly what it sounds like. Competitive knitting. Barely competitive. Aggressively pleasant. [pause] I hate it. [Gang Shout] Liar! [Verse 1 – Rapid-Fire / Ska-Punk Bounce] She puts it on gentle, I act like I’m trapped Like I’ve been kidnapped by a quilt and a nap Arms crossed hard, face full of protest Secretly judging every stitch in the contest Old dear in the corner with a cable-knit plan Young lad making mittens like a dangerous man Three hours to finish a scarf with a twist Nobody shouts and nobody gets pissed The tension is thin as a spiderweb thread Someone drops a stitch and they look mildly dead Judges walk over with a kind little nod Like, “That sleeve’s uneven, but bless you, my god” [Pre-Chorus – Half-Rapped] And she leans on me With her tea in her hand Like this soft wee nonsense Is part of the plan And I roll my eyes Like a proper hard case While emotional damage Knits my face [Chorus – Shouted Gang Hook] Don’t tell her I like it! Don’t tell her I care! Don’t tell her I’m invested In the shape of that chair! I’m only here for cuddles! I’m only here for snacks! I don’t need to know Why the cardigan’s collapsed! Don’t tell her I love it! Don’t say I was moved! But that old man’s jumper Had something to prove! [Verse 2 – Rap-Rock] I came for my girlfriend, stayed for the wool Now I’m yelling at the telly like a sentimental fool “Block it first, ya maniac!” I don’t know what that means But I said it with my chest And my full bloodstream There’s drama in the buttons There’s rage in the yarn There’s a woman named Sue Going rogue on the arm Somebody made socks With emotional depth I nearly stood up But I caught myself She says, “You’re watching” I say, “Naw, I’m awake” She says, “You remembered his name” I say, “That’s a mistake” She smiles like a sniper She knows I’m done I’m a punk-rock traitor To cardigan fun [Pre-Chorus – Gang Build] Needles click-click Heart goes thud Soft wee show Got under my blood No fights, no cops No dragons, no gore Just twelve polite people And I need one more [Chorus – Shouted Gang Hook] Don’t tell her I like it! Don’t tell her I care! Don’t tell her I’m invested In the shape of that chair! I’m only here for cuddles! I’m only here for snacks! I don’t need to know Why the cardigan’s collapsed! Don’t tell her I love it! Don’t say I was moved! But that old man’s jumper Had something to prove! [Break – Call-and-Response / Ska Skank] Who dropped a stitch? (Gary!) Who fixed it quick? (Gary!) Who made me feel hope With a scarf and a stick? (Gary! Gary! Gary!) Am I crying? (Naw!) Am I lying? (Aye!) Did the tea cozy win? (It deserved to, mate!) [Bridge – Half-Time / Sincere But Defensive] Maybe the world’s been chewing too loud Maybe my head’s been stuck in a crowd Maybe there’s something holy and strange In watching kind people make small things change No one gets rich No one gets wrecked No one screams fraud When the mittens get checked Just her on my shoulder And a room full of thread And a peace so suspicious It messes with my head [pause] Still hate it though. [Gang Shout] LIAR! [Final Chorus – Full Band / Hardcore Shouts] Don’t tell her I like it! Don’t tell her I care! Don’t tell her I’m invested In the shape of that chair! I’m only here for cuddles! I’m only here for snacks! I don’t need to know Why the cardigan’s collapsed! Don’t tell her I love it! Don’t say I was moved! But that old man’s jumper Had something to prove! Don’t tell her I’m happy! Don’t tell her I’m soft! Don’t tell her I paused it When she wandered off! [Outro – Spoken / Feedback, Needles Clicking] Next week’s the semi-final. I do not care. [pause] But if Gary goes home, we fuckin' riot. [End]