[Intro — bright guitar riff, handclaps, cheeky spoken delivery] “Alright, hold on — Before you go sayin’ I’ve lost the plot… I’d like the record to show that I am perfectly sane. I’ve got great conversation, excellent taste in music, and a bloody good sense of humour. So if you see me talkin’ to myself… Mind your business — we’re having a bloody good time!” [Band kicks in, “Hey! Hey! Hey!” gang vocals] [Verse 1] Well, the house is quiet, but I’m never bored, I’ve got a mate right here — yeah, I’m never ignored. I ask myself, “How’s your day going, champ?” Then I answer back and I do a little dance. I argued with the kettle, it won in the end, Then apologised to the toaster, my oldest friend. The mirror gives me that look like, “Mate, you alright?” I said, “Course I am — I’m having a great night!” [Pre-Chorus] Some folks need a crowd to feel alive, I just need a kitchen and a bit of drive. I’m my own DJ, my own comedy show, And when I crack a joke — mate, I always know! [Chorus] It’s me, myself and I, Talking to the mirror — and I’m still alive I’ve got opinions, I’ve got a plan, I’m my own biggest fan in a one-man band! Oh-oh, I’m never alone, Got a mate in the mirror and a fire in my bones. It’s me, myself and I, A little bit crazy — but I feel alive [Verse 2] I gave myself a pep talk in the supermarket queue, Said, “Chin up, champ, there’s bugger-all to do.” Then the lady next to me gave me quite a stare, I said, “Don’t mind us — we’re discussing what to wear.” I asked myself for directions, then I got us lost, Then I blamed myself and made myself the boss. I said, “Right, mate, we’re never doing that again,” Then I did it Tuesday, half past ten. [Pre-Chorus] They say talking to yourself is the first sign, Well, I must be brilliant — I’m doing just fine! I’ve got opinions, I’ve got advice, And I never interrupt myself twice! [Chorus] It’s me, myself and I, Talking to the mirror — and I’m still alive I’ve got opinions, I’ve got a plan, I’m my own biggest fan in a one-man band! Oh-oh, I’m never alone, Got a mate in the mirror and a fire in my bones. It’s me, myself and I, A little bit crazy — but I feel alive [Spoken Bridge — music drops to acoustic guitar, deadpan Aussie delivery] “Alright, be honest with me… Do you reckon I talk to myself too much?” “Mate… you asked the kettle for relationship advice.” “That was a strategic conversation.” “You apologised to the toaster.” “It was having a rough day!” “And now you want my opinion?” “Well, yeah. I’m wise. I’m mysterious. I’ve got that whole ‘I’ve seen things’ look.” “I’ve seen you dance in the kitchen.” “…That was art.” “It was a crime scene.” “Fair. But at least I’m never boring.” “True. Now put the kettle on, mate.” “See? Best conversation I’ve had all day!” [Music kicks back in] [Final Chorus — big, anthemic, all-in] It’s me, myself and I, No need for a crowd —and I’m alright I laugh at my jokes, I dance in the hall, I’m the whole damn party, and I’m having a ball! Oh-oh, I’m never alone, Got a mate in the mirror and a fire in my bones. It’s me, myself and I, A little bit crazy — but I’m still alive [Outro — music softens to acoustic guitar, then builds gently] So if the world gets loud, And the days feel long, I’ve got a voice inside me That keeps singing along. I don’t need a crowd To know I’m alright, I’ve got a little fire That burns through the night. And when the morning comes, I’ll be standing tall — ’Cause I’m my own best mate Through it all. Me, myself… and I..........
