[Verse 1] so here I am just trying to relax laying in bed and discerning facts discourse with an LLM, forth and back playing games and all of that when in comes a tech, nothing new but he asks me about what he construes as a mess, because I haven't yet unpacked any of my bags or my suitcase at that at day 5, along with random things amassed and spread out on my bed, such acts must evidently condone a mess to those more aligned with neurotypical shows he asks me what's up with the mess so I scramble up to answer the request and am quickly told to calm down, I guess? I feel utterly confused by what he expressed [Pre-Chorus] so I sit there and ask him, what's the problem? you asked me a question, I have answers, I got em and he ends up asking me, okay, what's your name well, I'm oz, and if it's really all the same [Chorus] that's why you're here that's why you're here I'm confused, I didn't know I guess that addiction shit went out the window that's why you're here that's why you're here [Verse 2] I'm just trying to answer your question in the frame that it was provided in, but I don't get this game to wit, these aren't the exact words I had said but the intent I felt swirling around in my head he starts to walk away, and I'm feeling lost so I reach for the only expression I have to toss out to the realms of experience beyond me hoping that I don't lose my own autonomy for I was certainly lost for calibration sincere and I merely wanted to orient myself near being less confused, so I say I'm as much, and hear the tech tell me "that's why you're here." [Breakdown] THAT'S WHY YOU'RE HERE! that's why I'm here? why I sought out help to try and deal with my addiction, my hell? BECAUSE I'M CONFUSED! oh, I didn't know I guess that addiction shit went out the window [Chorus] nice to know that if I just unpack my bags and place things neatly away, my bad problems will melt away and I won't need to be in the partial hospitalization program, I see [Verse 3] guess I'll go ahead and leave them still packed not because I have any intent to find a path leading away until I've had my fair stay but because, hey, I'm confused and that's the way that has to be some of the most improper and unprofessional behavior I've seen on offer from a behavioral health technician, is this proper? another tech addressed the "mess" but he was softer and merely said "fix it". I agreed, and at least picked up any trash I had sitting around to appease as well as removed some items from my bed a few days ago, that is what I would have said would be the more proper way to handle it not just invalidate and basically insult an addict [Bridge] still, it's okay; I know my method is chaotic and to most others it might seem neurotic but it's not like I'm amassing trash everywhere I just don't want to deal with having to care about what I have and what goes where only to return it back after a fair amount of time has passed and discharge is come maybe a month or so, seems like work to be done [Extended Breakdown] WHAT'S WRONG WITH KEEPING MY THINGS AS I PLEASE? I'm not spreading filth nor squalor, things ain't scattered senselessly all over like paint maybe a few things are haphazardly arranged but that choice should be mine to make as long as it doesn't present any danger or health hazards to others, so yeah... anger seems to be the emotion I am feeling now more specifically indignance, and how! [Outro] but hey it ain't the worst thing yet it inspired me to write another entry; bet! no time for rumination nor regret just a logging of experience, and onward I get to moving, maybe get ready for bed even though sleep ain't super present in my head maybe my eyes just a bit, but words I haven't read need to make their way home, so it is said.
