Mustard stains upon her elbows like a yellow badge of shame She’s stuffing cow-intestines while she’s shouting out my name She’s practicing origami with a pile of lukewarm lard And pressing down her thumbprints like she’s trying way too hard! Steam is rising off the griddle, she is counting out the links One for every time she told me that my social life just stinks! She said the greasy gristle was the cure for my disease She’s humming "Yankee Doodle" in a hundred-ten degrees! The casings are all knotted up like laces on a shoe She’s staring at my tonsils while I’m trying not to spew! And I swallow! I swallow! I’m a human garbage hole! Every brat, every link, is a blow to my very soul! Emotional support bratwurst, cooling on a paper plate! She says "Eat, Hans, eat! It’s the only way to fix your fate!" But one of them is heavy and it’s making a funny sound And the woman with the mustard hands Just keeps on spinning 'round and 'round! Tongs are tapping on the china like a butcher’s metronome She’s watching my digestion like a gnome inside my home! Doses measured by the gallon, pupils zooming left to right She’s checking out my uvula with a heavy-duty light! There’s sauerkraut and onions, and a mystery deep within It feels like there’s a rusty sprocket poking through the skin! And I swallow! I swallow! Going down like a lead balloon! Every gift is a heart-attack that’s coming for me soon! Emotional support bratwurst, and the spicy brown sauce runs dark She says "Eat, Hans, eat! Feel it clogging up your spark!" But one of them is loaded with a spring-loaded surprise And the woman with the greasy hands Hasn't blinked her creepy eyes! (Vocalise: WHOOP!) Higurashi, Higurashi! The crickets in the backyard knew! That kindness with a casing on Is just a meat-based trap for you! She kept the secret recipe in a safe behind the sink She wrote "For You" on every brat and gave a wicked wink! I mistook the smell of sulfur for a romantic devotion But this "bloodmouth" flavor’s just a spicy, porky lotion! A toothpick finds my molar like a comma in a phrase She promised me forever but she meant "The Sausage Phase!" She peels her rubber apron off, one finger at a time She’s treating this whole dinner like a low-budget mime! She tells me "Sorry" like a coupon that’s expired and torn I’m feeling like a frankfurter that’s sad and all forlorn! And I swallowed! I swallowed! I’m a tubular disaster! Every link was a brick in a wall made out of plaster! Emotional support bratwurst, and the grease is pooling deep! She says "Eat, Hans, eat! While I watch you as you sleep!" But every single one was heavy, and I’m bloated like a blimp And the woman with the steady hands Makes me feel like a cocktail shrimp! Mustard on her elbows! (Mustard on her elbows!) She’s twisting up the soft parts! (Twisting up the soft parts!) And I opened wide... (Sound effect: *A very loud, comical burp*) (Vocalise: Yodel-ay-ee-oo-plop!) (Final accordion squeeze)
