Board Girl

Roll-up door's open, we're four bars in, Kev's playing something none of us can win, Adam's too loud, Howie's too early, Regular Tuesday, nothing works, it's great. And there's a fox on the kerb who's stopped again, Board under her arm, backwards cap, big grin, Doesn't come in, doesn't ever come in, Just stands out there like the sidewalk's her seat. We don't know her name. Two years now. We don't know her name. BOARD GIRL! Out on the drive again! Board girl! Won't come in, won't come in! Says our bass player's out of time — Yeah, well, she's not wrong— BOARD GIRL! Somebody find out her name! She talks like the words are gonna run out, Fifty a second and not one of 'em dull, Did a whole bit about the heater in the van, Four minutes long. About a heater. Howie laughed so hard he fell off the amp, Kev laughed, and Kev does not do that, And I've been trying to be funny since I was nine And I've never once got a room the way she does. We don't know her name. We've had years. We don't know her name. BOARD GIRL! Out on the drive again! Board girl! Won't come in, won't come in! Told her she could sit on the case — She said "maybe," and she went— BOARD GIRL! Somebody find out her name! One time she came in. Sat on the crate, drank a whole orange soda, Clapped after every single song Like we were an actual band. Clapped through the bad ones. Clapped through the one we stopped halfway. Best show we ever played. BOARD GIRL! Out on the drive again! BOARD GIRL! Won't come in, won't come in! One of these days she's gonna walk right through that door And heckle me for an hour and I'll deserve every word— BOARD GIRL! …somebody find out her name.