My Cat’s in a Frat (and I Think He Runs It)

Female, party experimental bavarian yodeling, tuba swing, circus fx, avant-garde voice, german electronica, bassline, cpmedic, kazoo

⸻

(Verse 1)
It started real simple, right?
Just an average Thursday, I was heating up spaghetti
because life’s hard and carbs are therapy.
I blink, and he’s gone—like poof, orange Houdini.
Next thing I know, I’m following the sound of EDM
and the scent of Axe body spray and regret
down a stairwell that smells like monster energy and basement floors
and THERE HE IS.
My cat. My sweet baby boy.
Clutched in someone’s arms like Simba, holding a red cup like he’s seen things.
His eyes? Half-lidded. Smug.
He takes a sip. Makes eye contact.
Meows.
And everyone cheers like he just invented fire.

⸻

(Chorus)
My cat’s in a frat and he’s running the show
tossing paws in the air like “LET’S GO LET’S GO!”
Name’s FuzzyCow, and he don’t meow—he roars
got more friends than me and claws that open doors
He’s got a tiny red cup and a bigger rep
everyone here thinks he’s the internet’s pet
I asked for peace, but I got a DJ cat
droppin’ beats and hairballs, now explain that

⸻

(Verse 2)
Now he’s crowd surfing on pizza boxes
someone braided his whiskers
they made him a toga out of paper towels
and now they’re calling him “Fuzzy the Wise” like he’s their liquor laced prophet
He scratched a guy once and they tattooed it
said “mark of the chosen”
I think he made out with someone’s goldfish
but nobody’s mad—they’re impressed
He’s got a following on campus, a fan club online
a calendar shoot lined up and a brand deal with Meow Mix
I tried to bring him home—told him “Hey, remember me?
I bought your litter box, buddy!”
He just licked his paw and pointed to the DJ booth
and some guy named Blake told me
“He belongs to the party now.”

⸻

(Bridge – fever dream edition)
He’s got a throne made of solo cups
a crown made of ramen
he plays beer pong with laser focus
and drinks like a seasoned war veteran
They chant “FuzzyCow! FuzzyCow!” in unison
like he’s gonna summon the moon
And I’m just sitting here in the corner
wondering if I need to sign a lease
to live in his house now

⸻

(Chorus – final round, everyone shouting)
My cat’s in a frat and he’s running the show
tossing paws in the air like “LET’S GO LET’S GO!”
Name’s FuzzyCow, and he don’t meow—he roars
got more friends than me and claws that open doors
He’s got a tiny red cup and a bigger rep
everyone here thinks he’s the internet’s pet
I asked for chill, but I got a feline king
whose fur smells like beer and unearned confidence

⸻

(Outro – quietly, defeated)
So anyway…
he’s got an internship now
in marketing
and I…
I clean up his press releases.
That’s life.
My cat’s in a frat.
And I think I just joined it by accident.

2830/7500

(Intro – spoken, dazed) Okay so— I went to grab a snack, right? Like a normal human being. And when I came back, my cat wasn’t on the couch anymore. No. He was at a party. At the center of the party. With a cup. With a crowd. With a legacy. ⸻ (Verse 1) It started real simple, right? Just an average Thursday, I was heating up spaghetti because life’s hard and carbs are therapy. I blink, and he’s gone—like poof, orange Houdini. Next thing I know, I’m following the sound of EDM and the scent of Axe body spray and regret down a stairwell that smells like monster energy and basement floors and THERE HE IS. My cat. My sweet baby boy. Clutched in someone’s arms like Simba, holding a red cup like he’s seen things. His eyes? Half-lidded. Smug. He takes a sip. Makes eye contact. Meows. And everyone cheers like he just invented fire. ⸻ (Chorus) My cat’s in a frat and he’s running the show tossing paws in the air like “LET’S GO LET’S GO!” Name’s FuzzyCow, and he don’t meow—he roars got more friends than me and claws that open doors He’s got a tiny red cup and a bigger rep everyone here thinks he’s the internet’s pet I asked for peace, but I got a DJ cat droppin’ beats and hairballs, now explain that ⸻ (Verse 2) Now he’s crowd surfing on pizza boxes someone braided his whiskers they made him a toga out of paper towels and now they’re calling him “Fuzzy the Wise” like he’s their liquor laced prophet He scratched a guy once and they tattooed it said “mark of the chosen” I think he made out with someone’s goldfish but nobody’s mad—they’re impressed He’s got a following on campus, a fan club online a calendar shoot lined up and a brand deal with Meow Mix I tried to bring him home—told him “Hey, remember me? I bought your litter box, buddy!” He just licked his paw and pointed to the DJ booth and some guy named Blake told me “He belongs to the party now.” ⸻ (Bridge – fever dream edition) He’s got a throne made of solo cups a crown made of ramen he plays beer pong with laser focus and drinks like a seasoned war veteran They chant “FuzzyCow! FuzzyCow!” in unison like he’s gonna summon the moon And I’m just sitting here in the corner wondering if I need to sign a lease to live in his house now ⸻ (Chorus – final round, everyone shouting) My cat’s in a frat and he’s running the show tossing paws in the air like “LET’S GO LET’S GO!” Name’s FuzzyCow, and he don’t meow—he roars got more friends than me and claws that open doors He’s got a tiny red cup and a bigger rep everyone here thinks he’s the internet’s pet I asked for chill, but I got a feline king whose fur smells like beer and unearned confidence ⸻ (Outro – quietly, defeated) So anyway… he’s got an internship now in marketing and I… I clean up his press releases. That’s life. My cat’s in a frat. And I think I just joined it by accident.

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