[Intro] Quack. …Wait. Why is there a duck in my apartment? [Verse 1] Woke up Monday, feeling rough, Coffee tasted kinda sus, Checked my phone — my bank was drained, And somehow all my passwords changed. Front door opened, who walks in? Tiny shades and a feather grin, Little briefcase, Gucci tie… That duck looked me dead in the eye. [Pre-Chorus] He said, “Relax, don’t make a scene, I just improved your self-esteem.” Then he stole my taxi ride… And winked at me from outside. [Chorus] Oh no! The duck who stole my identity, Now he’s living better than me, Got my job and my credit score, And somehow owns three houses more. Quack-quack, He’s got my driver’s license too, Even my mom likes him more than you, I lost my life to a waterbird… And honestly, it’s getting absurd. [Verse 2] He started posting gym selfies, Captioned “Success comes naturally,” Meanwhile I got banned downtown… Because apparently I’m “too loud.” That duck got verified online, Dating models, drinking wine, Meanwhile I’m explaining to cops… Why my face is on a yacht in Crocs. [Pre-Chorus] I tried to fight him in the park, But ducks are vicious after dark, He hissed and stole my sandwich too… Then billed me for the chewing. [Chorus] Oh no! The duck who stole my identity, Now he’s a motivational celebrity, Doing podcasts called “The Grindset Pond,” While I sleep in my cousin’s Honda. Quack-quack, He replaced me flawlessly, Even my dog betrayed me emotionally, Tail wagging like “you had your shot…” BRO THAT DUCK IS NOT ME! [Bridge] I hired a raccoon detective, He said the case looked “highly effective,” Then disappeared with my last ten bucks… Honestly I’m cursed with animals. And every night I hear that quack, Echoing through the cul-de-sac, Living the dream I used to chase… With MY social security in his face. [Final Chorus] Oh wow… The duck became a billionaire, Selling bread-shaped office chairs, Has a mansion with a private lake… Built entirely on my mistakes. Quack-quack, Guess I gotta start again, Can’t compete with a feathered businessman, But if you see a duck named Steve… Tell him he still owes me rent. [Outro] …Wait. HE TOOK MY NETFLIX TOO?!
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