And there it is… Still fucking here. Finally. I pick the controller back up Press the button again Stared at the black screen Like it might give me ten more minutes Reached for the bottle I Already know it’s dry Unlock my phone Close it Open it again I’m not looking for anything I just need something to happen My leg won’t stop My jaw is locked Every thought I kept pushing back Is taking its turn First minute was fine Second felt like an hour Now I understand I wasn’t killing time I was running from myself No game’s No drink No music Nobody here No noise No rush No way around it Nothing left Between me And myself THIS IS WITHDRALW FROM THE NOISE FROM THE RUSH FROM THE TOUCH FROM THE DRINK FROM NEEDING SOMETHING EVERY SECOND SO I DON’T HAVE TO THINK NOW THERE’S NOTHING LEFT BETWEEN ME AND MYSELF NOTHING LEFT TO REACH FOR I THOUGHT THE QUIET WOULD BE EMPTY NOW I REMEMBER EVERYTHING And now you can hear me. Don’t look at me like I broke in You built me Every time something hurt And you said you were fine Every time you swallowed it Every time you went back Every time you shut somebody out Before they got a chance You wanted numb I gave you numb You wanted distance I made sure nothing reached you I killed the hope Before it could disappoint you I made you stop caring When caring kept hurting You didn’t complain When it worked I wanted a break I didn’t ask to disappear You asked me to make it stop I did I need you out You don’t know where I end I don’t care That’s mine THIS IS WITHDRALW FROM THE NOISE FROM THE RUSH FROM THE TOUCH FROM THE DRINK FROM NEEDING SOMETHING EVERY SECOND SO I DON’T HAVE TO THINK NOW THERE’S NOTHING LEFT BETWEEN ME AND MYSELF NOTHING LEFT TO REACH FOR I THOUGHT THE QUIET WOULD BE EMPTY NOW I REMEMBER EVERYTHING Everything. I know it’s fucked-up I know what you did for me There were nights I wouldn’t have made it If I felt all of it at once You kept me working Kept me moving Kept me breathing I did exactly What you made me for I know Then why are you trying to kill me? Because this isn’t working anymore You think you can survive without me? I don’t know Then sit down No I TOOK EVERY HIT! I SHUT OFF THE FEELING! I GAVE YOU NOTHING WHEN EVERYTHING HURT! NOW NOTHING IS THE THING THAT’S FUCKING KILLING ME! I KEPT YOU ALIVE! THEN LET ME FUCKING LIVE! I KEPT YOU ALIVE! THEN LET ME FUCKING LIVE! THIS IS WITHDRALW THE ANGER’S BACK THE GRIEF IS BACK EVERY FUCKING THING I BURIED IS BACK NOW THERE’S NOTHING LEFT BETWEEN ME AND MYSELF AND I CAN FEEL IT ALL I THOUGHT THE QUIET WOULD BE EMPTY NOW IT’S LOUDER THAN ANYTHING Turn it back on NOT TONIGHT! You still need me …I know Then turn it back on No
