Intro – Spoken, mischievous, sparse piano] Oh, you know what really grinds my gears? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. ... Except EVERYTHING YOU DO.! ... I'm calm. I'm reasonable. I'm a delight. [Band kicks in] Oh, we're gonna have fun with this. [Verse 1 – Playful irritation] Thirty in a fifty-five, Sunday-driving, taking your time, I pull out to pass—you find the gas! Oh, so NOW you know how to drive? Shopping cart in a parking space, Doorway standing, vacant face, Stopping dead where the whole world's walking— Darling, MOVE. We're all behind you. Toothpaste squeezed right through the middle, Chewing loud enough to play second fiddle, Little things, tiny things— Why do they make my eye twitch? [Pre-Chorus – Building] It's the little things, The stupid things, The things nobody should mind— But do enough little stupid things And watch me lose mine! [Chorus – Big electro-swing hook] RAGE BAIT, BABY! Push my button, watch me go! RAGE BAIT, BABY! How'd you learn to move that slow? Cut me off, Then flip me off, Like somehow I'M the one who's wrong— RAGE BAIT, BABY! You've been pushing me all day long! Ohhh, rage bait, baby! You're the reason for this song! [Verse 2 – More personal, more ridiculous] You send me just a little "K" After my twelve-paragraph essay. That's it? That's all? One letter?! Okay. Videos blasting on your phone, Full-volume concert of your own, No headphones anywhere in sight— How generous. We all get to hear it. "Five minutes out!" That's what you said. You're still lying in your bed. Borrow my charger, Lose the cord, Then ask me what I'm angry for! And THEN— "Calm down, sweetheart." ... Oh. Oh, that's brave. [Pre-Chorus – Sharper] It's the little things, The stupid things, Each one a tiny crack— And if you tell me "It's not a big deal"— PUT. IT. BACK. [Chorus] RAGE BAIT, BABY! Push my button, watch me go! RAGE BAIT, BABY! How'd you learn to move that slow? Take two spaces, Cut in line, Then swear the problem must be mine— RAGE BAIT, BABY! You've been pushing me all day long! Ohhh, rage bait, baby! You're the reason for this song! [Bridge – Call and response, escalating] All right. Quick question. Who leaves ONE SIP of milk in the jug?! [Gang] WHO?! Who hears "What?" only AFTER I walk away?! [Gang] WHO?! Who puts the empty roll right beside the new one— Like changing it requires a PhD?! [Gang] YOU! And who— WHO— PUTS AN EMPTY BOX BACK IN THE FRIDGE?! [Music cuts] ... I just want to talk. [Beat drops hard] GET BACK HERE! [Instrumental Break – Brass frenzy / electro-swing drop] [Breakdown – realization, suddenly quieter] Wait. Who screams at the microwave because forty seconds takes too long? ... Me. Who hits the elevator button six times like it'll make the elevator hurry? ... Also me. Who mutters "MOVE" at people who cannot possibly hear her? ... Okay, we're done with this section. [Band immediately kicks back in] [Final Chorus – Huge, playful] RAGE BAIT, BABY! Push my button, watch me go! RAGE BAIT, BABY! We're all somebody's freak show! Chew too loud, Talk too proud, Play your music through the wall— RAGE BAIT, BABY! Maybe we're the problem after all! RAGE BAIT, BABY! Everybody's got their thing! One more beep, One more cart, One more phone that starts to ring— RAGE BAIT, BABY! Come on, everybody sing! [Gang] RAGE! BAIT! BABY! [Outro – Music winding down] You know... I feel better. That was healthy. Very mature. Very emotionally balanced. ... [Off-mic] WHO LEFT THE SHOPPING CART THERE?! [Music stops] [Distant from mic, walking away] That's it, I'M GOING BACK TO BED!
