Fly on the Bathroom Wall

[Verse 1] I’m the fly upon the bathroom wall, Seen things that should not happen at all, One dude sprinted, pants half-down, Yelling, “THIS IS NOT A DRILL, CODE BROWN!” Lady hiding snacks behind the sink, Grandpa shaving while half asleep, Kid walked in with deadly pride… Then absolutely fumigated the entire inside. [Pre-Chorus] Oh dear lord… Oh sweet mercy… I’ve inhaled things that changed me spiritually. [Chorus] I’m the fly on the bathroom wall, Tiny witness to the downfall, Of late-night tacos, fear, and doom, And dads destroying the guest bathroom. Fly on the bathroom wall, Honestly, I’ve smelled it all, If I had lungs I’d probably die… So thank goodness I’m just a fly. [Verse 2] Teenager posing shirtless hard, Practicing pickup lines in the mirror glass, Then ripped one loud mid-sexy stare… And blamed the dog that wasn’t there. One guy reading shampoo backs, Like ancient sacred bathroom facts, Another fought for thirty minutes… With underwear wrapped around his ankles. [Pre-Chorus] I need hazard pay… Tiny little hazard pay… And maybe a gas mask made for flies. [Chorus] I’m the fly on the bathroom wall, Front row seat to human flaws, Toilet clogging, panic sweats, And “accidents” nobody admits. Fly on the bathroom wall, Bathroom goblin carnival, Every flush’s a near-death ride… Yet somehow I’m still alive. [Bridge] One poor soul ate spicy wings, Then entered making goblin screams, Neighbors heard and called a priest… I watched Febreze lose to the beast. Another guy got way too brave, Tried to shave his butt one day, Five minutes later came the sound… Of regret hitting porcelain ground. [Verse 3] Then came Christmas dinner night… Absolute biological fright, Four grown men lined up in fear… Like a doomed parade of bad decisions. Steam, confusion, screams, despair, One uncle passed out in his chair, And through the horror, smell, and cries… I just hovered there like, “Yeah… humanity’s cooked, guys.” [Final Chorus] I’m the fly on the bathroom wall, Tiny cursed observer of it all, From awkward wipes to midnight shame… Honestly, humans are completely insane. Fly on the bathroom wall, I deserve a medal after all, So next time you lock that bathroom door… Remember… I’ve probably seen worse before.