[Intro: Dracula & Werewolf] (Werewolf: Pass the tweezers, Vlad.) (Dracula: Do not touch it with bare claws, fool! It has three tiers... like a ritual altar.) (Frank: *grunt* It smell like candle.) [Verse 1: Count Dracula] Found it in a candy bowl sitting out by the door Underneath a scrawled index card pleading: 'Take just one, no more!' Yellow at the bottom, chalky orange in the core Pointed white summit. They call it "candy corn" I have bitten jugulars in cold Bavarian frost Drank the royal bloodline without suffering the cost Yet my fangs hit this triangular lump of petroleum goo. And my bicuspids locked together like I ate some super glue! [Pre-Chorus: Werewolf] Clamped it in a bench vise, cracked the iron frame Torched it with a butane lighter, zero smoke or flame Checked the expiration stamp beneath the label seam: "Best before October nineteen-twenty-six, B.C." [Chorus: Vlad & Chorus] Who ordered the triangle of weaponized wax? Who invented this dental mortar in little fun-sized packs? It’s not corn! It’s not candy! It’s industrial paste! Leftover driveway sealant that they didn't want to waste! Yellow base, orange waist, chalk upon the tongue Old fossilized traffic cone from when the Earth was young! [Verse 2: Dracula & Werewolf] I waved a Geiger wand across the orange middle band It Ticking like a Tommy gun inside my clawed hand Mass spectrometer spat out a receipt in toxic red: Carnauba boat sealant mixed with vulcanized lead! Mortals give this striped poison to kids that trick or treat! Now there's children chewing tile grout on the neighborhood street! Not Even peasants in Transylvania would eat this painted lead Now they chew synthetic chalk and claim this monster’s dead? [Bridge: Adam & Vlad] (Werewolf: Frank, drop it in the boiling pot.) (Frank: Water bubble... kernel unchanged... kernel looking back at me.) It survived the Spanish flu, it survived Covid 19 Sitting at the bottom of the bowl on every Halloween! Three distinct layers of unrefined dread! I’d rather chug formaldehyde straight from an autopsy bed! [Chorus: Dracula & Chorus] Who ordered the triangle of weaponized wax? Who invented this dental mortar in little fun-sized packs? It’s not corn! It’s not candy! It’s industrial paste! Leftover driveway sealant that they didn't want to waste! Yellow base, orange waist, chalk upon the tongue Old fossilized traffic cone from when the Earth was young! [Outro: Werewolf & Dracula with frantic horns] (Dracula: Toss the bag into the incinerator!) (Werewolf: The flames turned purple, Boss! It's not melting!) (Dracula: Back to the crypt! The mortals have poisoned their own rations!) (Frank: *muffled chewing* Taste like sweet crayons.) (Dracula: Spit that out, you simpleton! SPIT IT OUT!)
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