Santa Versus The Border Patrol

It’s early Christmas morning And good old Santa Claus Delivers kids their presents Like he always does Lets out a mighty “Ho ho ho” And he hops into his sleigh Flying up from Mexico Into the USA [chorus] He’s shot out of the sky lookin’ down the barrel of a gun They hit the ground and Santa’s yellin “Run Run Rudolph, Run!” Chinese spy balloons and UFOs are A-okay We don’t do flying reindeer pulling fat guys in a sleigh Santa won’t get away Flying over America He’s known as Santa Claus Or is that just his alias? Today he’ll be Chris Cringle Next week St. Nicholas They found a list of children’s names And where each child dwells The guards were quite disgusted And kicked him in his jingle bells [chorus] Reindeer froze in fear lookin’ down the barrel of a gun Border Police’s Christmas feast was yummy venison Border agents got him. He was forcibly detained. They maced him and they tazed him. His knees were candy-caned Santa won’t get away Flying over America Santa smuggled Chinese toys inside his magic sacks Attempting to avoid All of the tariffs and the tax Trafficking some giant socks filled with illegal snacks Sugar’s more addictive than both fentynol and crack The FBI investigated Santa’s flying ride They found a couple sneaky elves Who tried, but could not hide Interrogation proved they were A Venezuelan gang Candy Toes and Twinkle Cheeks Were scheduled to be hanged [chorus] Dying Santa took a new Red Ryder BB gun Gave it to the chief and said this present’s for your son The chief asked for forgiveness for his anger and his hate Santa replied, “Forgiveness is why we celebrate” Doesn’t that sound great? Listen up, America [chorus – final, sad irony] For God so loved the world, but we forgot the gift He gave— We shot down every miracle that didn’t look the way we crave. A manger-born Messiah preached a love that doesn’t fear— Yet Santa bled for crossing lines we drew ourselves this year. Doesn’t that feel wrong? What did we become? Merry Christmas, America. [Spoken Outro] Funny, isn’t it? We decorate, we celebrate… and forget what it was for. Maybe this year, we remember the gift. Merry Christmas, every one.