Oh, it’s Christmas once again, hooray! The shops are full of lies, They’ve decked the halls with tinsel balls and pumpkin-spice mince pies, The radio’s been playing “Jingle Bells” since June, And if I hear Mariah Carey one more time — I’ll leave the room! ’Cause it’s Christmas, glorious Christmas! The season of regret, Of pudding, socks, and awkward talks With people you’ve just met, So raise your glass, my dearest friends, To joy and indigestion — It’s Christmas time again, hooray! (Now whose bright idea was that question?) I bought my niece a sweater — turns out she’s now vegan, My uncle’s ranting politics, the cat’s escaped the beacon, The fairy lights are tangled, the turkey’s dry as chalk, And Grandma’s kissing everyone — even the postman’s dog It’s Christmas, jolly Christmas! The season of excess, Where happiness is mandatory And stress is more or less, But smile, my love, and drink some fizz, Ignore the news, don’t pout — It’s Christmas time, so count to ten, And don’t let your inner Scrooge come out! Now the crackers didn’t crack, The jokes are twice as bad, The paper hats are torn in half, And yet we’re sort of glad, ’Cause once a year the madness reigns, And all the world’s a song, We’ll moan and laugh and eat too much — And do it all year long! It’s Christmas, bonkers Christmas! The time we all adore, Of fake goodwill and dodgy bills And socks we’ll never wear no more, But raise your mug of lukewarm punch, And sing until you’re hoarse — ’Cause Christmas is that special time For chaos… and remorse
