If I Were a Plushie
Parody of "If I Were a Rich Man" ©copyright 1964 by Jerry Bock and Sheldon Harnick / Mayerling Productions, Ltd. and R&H Music International. (Keep scrolling to see lyrics) 🃏🧸⭐🃏🧸⭐🃏🧸⭐🃏🧸⭐🃏🧸⭐ 🃏⭐#PlushiePandemic2026🧸 Feb 26 – Mar 26, 2026 Hosts: @quql & Jabashka ⭐🧸⭐ Original idea by 🃏 The Jester (@the_jestermc) – absolute legend! 👑 1️⃣ Make a NEW plushie track : Original, remix, cover, demo — if it's plush-themed, it counts. 2️⃣ Add in song title or caption: 🃏⭐#PlushiePandemic2026🧸 3️⃣ Tag @quql and get in the playlists . No winners. Just fluff. Who's in? 🙋 ✋ 🤚 👆 💪 🃏🧸⭐🃏🧸⭐🃏🧸⭐🃏🧸⭐🃏🧸⭐ [PLUSHIE, spoken] Oh dear friend, you met many, many serious people. I realize, of course, that it’s no crime to be serious… But it’s no great fun either. So what would have been so terrible… if things were just a little more silly? [Chorus] If I were a plushie Ya ba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dum All day long I’d squeaky-squeaky-strum If I were a goofy plush Wouldn’t hurt if I tripped hard Ya ba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dum If I were a squishy-squishy-squash Wobble-diddle-diddle-diddle man [Verse] I’d have a tiny guitar with only three strings Right in the middle of the room A fine one that goes out of tune every day There would be songs 'bout pickles and socks and cheese And ballads for midlife gloom And happy kazoo solos, just for fun I’d fill the room with squeaks and honks and yells And riffs that absolutely go nowhere Strumming just as loudly as I can And each little [Squeak toy noises - SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK!] Would land like a duck on a snare As if to say, “Clap for the plushie guy!” Oy [Chorus] If I were a plushie Ya ba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dum All day long I’d squeaky-squeaky-strum If I were a goofy plush I wouldn't have to work hard Ya ba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dum If I were a squishy-squishy-squash Wobble-diddle-diddle-diddle man [Verse] I see the kids, all laughing, as I miss my every chord While tripping on my feet And falling flatly on my squishy face I see me bowing low and finishing every ballad Oh, see my jazz hands while I sing Squishing the squeaker in my face [Squeak toy noises - SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK! - SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK!] [Bridge] And when the quiet moments come and someone starts to cry I will softly sit beside them And play a gentle tune “Sorry ’bout the stuffing…” “Emotional support fuzzing…” Then I sneeze and launch fluff and stuff around the room Ya-da-dee-da-da, ya-dee-da-da, ya-dee-da-da-da And it won’t make one bit of difference If I mess the whole thing up When you're plush, they don't care if you're any good If I were plush, I’d keep-a on, singing anyway ’Cause laughs can fix a broken heart And hugs can help someone feel oh so good And I'd strum badly and miss lots of notes and I'd say, “Yes that was, by design!” And that would be the silliest thing of all Oy [Final Chorus] If I were a plushie Ya ba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dum All day long I’d squeaky-squeaky-strum If I were a goofy plush I wouldn’t need a life plan Ya ba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dum Friend, who made the laughter and the groans You decreed that some jokes will just bomb Would it spoil some vast eternal plan If I were a plushie?
