[Spoken Intro – Marlow, Female ] “Mmm… so they told me to keep it ‘dignified.’ To sit still. To behave. To let everyone cry in peace. Yeah… no. Look — he loved loud music, cheap beer, and every bad decision we ever made together. If we’re gonna say goodbye… we’re doing it his way. So don’t freak out when it gets loud. It’s not disrespect. It’s tradition. Our tradition. Alright… lower that coffin slowly. I’m going in.” [Verse 1 – fast, rude, disrespectfully funny] They said “Stay calm, it’s a funeral day,” But someone played a riff — and I lost my way. The priest said “Silence,” I said “Too late,” I kicked the flowers off the casket plate. Grandma screamed, the cousins ran, I started circle pit around the organ stand. If the dead could talk they’d shout “HELL YEAH!” — So I crank the tempo like I just don’t care. ⸻ [Pre-Chorus – shouted, chaotic] Lower me down, crank the gain! Six feet deep in death’s domain! ⸻ [Chorus – big, stupid, glorious chaos] THE FUNERAL MOSHPIT — DOWN IN THE GRAVE! I crowd-surfed the coffin like a total knave! THE FUNERAL MOSHPIT — SHAKE THE STONES! Let the dead complain in their dusty tones! THE FUNERAL MOSHPIT — JUMP ON THE LID! If the man was alive, he’d say “You did what you did!” ⸻ [Verse 2 – faster, worse, beautiful madness] They lowered the casket — I dove right in, “RESPECT THE DEAD!” — sorry, couldn’t hear them. Drum fills echoed through the cemetery, Even the tombstones looked a little wary. The priest dropped his bible, someone fainted twice, I used the shovel as a stage device. Aunt Karen cried, “YOU’RE DISGRACING THE DAY!” But the dead guy’s playlist said SLAYER all the way. ⸻ [Pre-Chorus] Shove me down, let dirt rain! Thrash the grave — insane terrain! ⸻ [Chorus] THE FUNERAL MOSHPIT — RIFF FROM BELOW! I’m headbanging hard in the burial glow! THE FUNERAL MOSHPIT — BONES DON’T CARE! Let the living scream while the dead just stare! THE FUNERAL MOSHPIT — STOMP ON THE BOX! Pay respects with distortion shocks! ⸻ [Bridge – stupid, spoken, violent humor] “Dearly beloved, we gather here to—” SHUT UP, THE BREAKDOWN’S NEAR! Throw the wreath, drop the beat, Circle pit inside the burial suite! ⸻ [Final Chorus – utter chaos] THE FUNERAL MOSHPIT — SHAKE THE EARTH! Let grief explode for all it’s worth! THE FUNERAL MOSHPIT — SCREAM AND SWEAT! If death had rules, I’d break them yet! THE FUNERAL MOSHPIT — THIS IS THE END! Thrash his grave ’cause he was my friend!
