(When I Stepped Away From) My Own Light

I kept saying I was waiting for the right time Like the stars had to agree before I'd move I kept drawing little circles around my future Afraid of what would happen if they came true I wore caution like a badge upon my jacket Called it wisdom every time I walked away But looking back through all those quiet winters I can see the fear beneath the words I'd say And I blamed these walls around me Every locked and missing door Until I saw the hands that built them Were my own all along It wasn't that the dream stopped calling It wasn't that the fire had died It wasn't fate that left me standing On the darker side of life The dream was there beside me waiting Through every doubt I justified What I lost was not the vision When I stepped away from my own light I remember all the versions I abandoned Every brave and reckless heart I couldn't be How I measured every hope against rejection Before it even had the chance to breathe I kept searching for permission in the silence For a voice that never promised I was safe And every time I stood before the threshold I convinced myself to turn away Now the anger's growing quieter As the picture comes in view I was carrying old shadows That I thought were telling truth It wasn't that the dream stopped calling It wasn't that the road had closed It wasn't weakness, wasn't failure Though that's the story that I told The dream was there beside me waiting Patient as the passing tide What I lost was faith within me When I stepped away from my own light Maybe I was only trying to survive With the tools that I had gathered at the time Maybe every step away was just a shelter For a heart that didn't know how to shine I can finally see the difference now Between surrender and protection in disguise I wasn't turning from the dream I carried I was turning from the belief that I deserved its light The dream never stopped believing Even when I questioned every sign It waited through the years between us Like a distant star refusing to unwind And I don't need to blame that younger person For the choices made in fear and in the night They were doing all they knew to keep me breathing When I stepped away from my own light So I'll gather every scattered piece of faith now Every fragment I abandoned out of fright Not because the past was wrong or broken But because I finally see it with kinder eyes The dream was never what I left behind Only the belief That I was worthy of its light And maybe that's okay Because I'm learning How to walk back toward it One step at a time.