I'm Only Ever Fine

[Verse 1] I used to roll my eyes when you got quiet Said you were fine — I took that for the truth Your friend was gone and you were falling apart I pulled away like grief was something crude You reached for me — I went cold in the bed Called it space like I was doing you a favor Every time you broke a little open I made you swallow it back down [Chorus] And every time I'd ask "I'm only ever fine" That's what you learned to say 'Cause I taught you the line As far as I was concerned You were only ever fine I didn't want the mess So I made you mine to silence [Verse 2] You said you were frustrated — I said trauma I'm not your counselor — don't dump that here Too loud meant angry — soft meant you were weak I flipped the rules until you disappeared You'd start to tell me something that was yours I'd cut in with my week, my weight, my worries I kept the score of everything I carried And left your hands empty every night [Chorus] And every time I'd ask "I'm only ever fine" That's what you learned to say 'Cause I taught you the line As far as I was concerned You were only ever fine I didn't want the mess So I made you mine to silence [Bridge] I see it now in the doorway light The way you stopped explaining why You weren't fine — drowning quiet And I called that peace of mind [Chorus] And every time I'd ask "I'm only ever fine" That's what you learned to say 'Cause I taught you the line As far as I was concerned You were only ever fine I didn't want the mess So I made you mine to silence [Final Chorus] And every time I'd ask "I'm only ever fine" I hear it in my head Like a warning I ignored As far as you're concerned I'm only ever gone You walked out soft And I finally learned the cost [Instrumental Break] [Outro] I'm only ever fine God, I wish you hadn't lied [End]