Mee Maw's Side Hustle by HartØz

I clicked a little bookmark titled "Mee Maw’s Secret Spot"
I thought it might be pansies in a terra-cotta pot
But the screen was full of headers for a thing called "OnlyFlans"
And Mee Maw was on camera... with her baking-powdered hands!
There was Paw Paw in the background in a robe of purple silk
Dipping giant snickerdoodles in a vintage glass of milk
He was winking at the camera while she licked a silver spoon
(Giggle)
I don’t think they’re watching "Wheel of Fortune" anymore this afternoon!

She’s baking cookies in the morning, breaking records in the night
Paw Paw’s in the corner getting all the shadows right
While I thought they were napping in their matching rocking chairs
They were counting up the tips from their digital affairs!
It’s a buttery explosion for a very special crowd
I’ve never seen a retirement home look quite so... proud!

I saw a giant glowing hoop inside the parlor room
I thought it was a fancy light to chase away the gloom
But Paw Paw said "That’s for my coins!" then whispered in my ear
"The Silver Fox subscribers love to see me from the rear!"
(Spoken: Eww! Paw Paw!)
They’ve got different levels for the people who pay more
Like the "Blue Ribbon Tier" where they open up the door
To see the secret ingredient she puts in every crust...
(Breathless whisper)
It’s just an extra stick of butter... but she says it is a must!

They’re in the top point-one percent of every single page
The most successful seniors of the internet-ish age!
They paid off my tuition and my car and my degree
But I think I’ll need a lifetime of intensive therapy!
Mee Maw called a hater a "stuck-up little Ah-S-hole"
Then she went back to her livestream with her wooden mixing bowl!
(Tee-hee!)

At Sunday dinner Mee Maw said "Now pass the gravy, dear
And hold this shiny circle-thing so the lighting’s really clear
The shadows on the pot roast are a little bit too deep
And we have a thousand people who are losing half their sleep!"
I looked at the guest room and I saw a velvet drape
With Paw Paw in a tiger-print and a golden-tasseled cape!

I guess I’ll take the money since my brain is such a mess
I’ll just ignore the lighting and the way they like to dress
The internet is funny... and the cookies are divine...
(Spoken: Want a flan?)
Mee Maw’s got a side-hustle... and it’s doing...
(High note)
...Just... fine!
(Final ukulele pluck)

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I went over to Mee Maw’s house to help her with the mail Past the jars of pickled beets and the porcelain garden quail She was sitting in her cardigan with her knitting on her lap But she couldn't find her iPad or the button for the map She said "Honey, would you look at this? It’s acting rather strange" "I can’t find the crochet patterns for the scarf I need to change" So I tapped a little icon... and my heart began to race (Spoken: Oh my goodness!) When I saw a little dollar sign right next to Mee Maw’s face! I clicked a little bookmark titled "Mee Maw’s Secret Spot" I thought it might be pansies in a terra-cotta pot But the screen was full of headers for a thing called "OnlyFlans" And Mee Maw was on camera... with her baking-powdered hands! There was Paw Paw in the background in a robe of purple silk Dipping giant snickerdoodles in a vintage glass of milk He was winking at the camera while she licked a silver spoon (Giggle) I don’t think they’re watching "Wheel of Fortune" anymore this afternoon! She’s baking cookies in the morning, breaking records in the night Paw Paw’s in the corner getting all the shadows right While I thought they were napping in their matching rocking chairs They were counting up the tips from their digital affairs! It’s a buttery explosion for a very special crowd I’ve never seen a retirement home look quite so... proud! I saw a giant glowing hoop inside the parlor room I thought it was a fancy light to chase away the gloom But Paw Paw said "That’s for my coins!" then whispered in my ear "The Silver Fox subscribers love to see me from the rear!" (Spoken: Eww! Paw Paw!) They’ve got different levels for the people who pay more Like the "Blue Ribbon Tier" where they open up the door To see the secret ingredient she puts in every crust... (Breathless whisper) It’s just an extra stick of butter... but she says it is a must! They’re in the top point-one percent of every single page The most successful seniors of the internet-ish age! They paid off my tuition and my car and my degree But I think I’ll need a lifetime of intensive therapy! Mee Maw called a hater a "stuck-up little Ah-S-hole" Then she went back to her livestream with her wooden mixing bowl! (Tee-hee!) At Sunday dinner Mee Maw said "Now pass the gravy, dear And hold this shiny circle-thing so the lighting’s really clear The shadows on the pot roast are a little bit too deep And we have a thousand people who are losing half their sleep!" I looked at the guest room and I saw a velvet drape With Paw Paw in a tiger-print and a golden-tasseled cape! I guess I’ll take the money since my brain is such a mess I’ll just ignore the lighting and the way they like to dress The internet is funny... and the cookies are divine... (Spoken: Want a flan?) Mee Maw’s got a side-hustle... and it’s doing... (High note) ...Just... fine! (Final ukulele pluck)

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