[Intro] Itās still dark. Like, not night, not morning. My room looks different when Iām leaving it. Blue suitcase. New lip gloss. Songbook. Ticket getting warm in my pocket. Okay. Iām going. [Verse 1] Curtains got that blurry blue light and the kitchenās way too quiet Momās mug is upside down like even it canāt look at me Iām trying not to make noise Iām trying not to be a baby Iām eighteen, right? So why do I feel six lately? I should go to the station but I turn by the river wet grass on my socks and my chest does that thing again Like, oh. Here. This place. I lost my red rain boots here when I was little and dramatic crying so hard then laughing because I looked stupid Bare feet in the mud cold but kind of warm and someone called my name from the other side of the river I forgot that. No, I didnāt. I just pretended. [Pre-Chorus] This town smells like dirt and old rain and almost saying sorry I used to hate that. I used to say nothing happens here. But my shoes know. My knees know. My weird little heart knows. [Chorus] Mud on my shoes Iām not wiping it off Not today No, not today This stupid town this stupid sky this stupid crying in my eyes Iām not clean Iām not cool Iām not over it Iām not new Mud on my shoes Iām going like this with the river in my throat and home on my lips [Verse 2] At fifteen I said Iām leaving this place forever like forever was easy like I wasnāt scared of weather Lost a singing contest kicked the dirt like a loser white sneakers ruined and somehow that made it truer I cried behind the bank where nobody could see me except the grass and maybe God and maybe me Seventeen autumn I watched him leave first I didnāt say I liked him because obviously Iām the worst His train pulled out my reflection stayed mouth full of words I never gave away I walked home the long way mad at the lights then porch glow hit the mud and made it look nice Like, rude. Even the dirt had to be beautiful. [Pre-Chorus 2] The road remembers me being small being loud being jealous being proud The wind keeps singing in the accent I tried to hide and I hate that I love it and I love that I cried Iām not leaving to disappear. I think. Iām leaving to meet myself somewhere else. [Chorus] Mud on my shoes Iām not wiping it off Not today No, not today This stupid town this stupid sky this stupid crying in my eyes Iām not clean Iām not cool Iām not over it Iām not new Mud on my shoes Iām going like this with the river in my throat and home on my lips [Bridge] I thought growing up meant never looking back but I keep looking back like every three seconds I thought leaving meant I had to act brave but my hands are shaking and my lip gloss tastes fake Blue suitcase new songbook old ache same girl Six-year-old me with muddy feet come here weāre going Fifteen-year-old me still mad at the world come too bring the song that lost Seventeen-year-old me with the unsent love yeah, you too donāt roll your eyes Weāre not embarrassing. Okay, we are. But weāre alive. [Final Chorus] Mud on my shoes Iām not wiping it off Let them stare I donāt care This little town this river smell this almost-goodbye I know too well Iām not clean Iām not cool Iām not over it Iām not new Mud on my shoes Iām going like this with the dawn in my chest and home on my lips Mud on my shoes Iām going like this with the girl I was and the girl I miss [Outro] The bell rings. The river wind gets mixed in. Ticket in my pocket, warm again. Train doors closing. Grass going blurry. Donāt cry. Okay, cry. A little mud falls from the tip of my shoe. Momā Iām taking the dirt with me. Iām going.
