[Intro] [band vamping Crowd murmur Whistle] Alright then Day at the seaside They said "Take your brolly"... I said "Did they listen?" [Verse 1] Pulled up to the beach in a cardigan Suncream on Factor British-one Clouds all grey Sky looks haunted Mum shouts “Lovely! Just what we wanted!” Deckchairs packed like some flat-pack puzzle Nan’s got a flask and a crossword struggle Dad in socks and his sandals of shame Rain starts falling “Summer’s here again!” [Chorus] Ohhh It’s raining on the British summer (again, again!) Got a windbreak flapping like a drummer (steady, Ken!) Seagulls nicked me fish Donkey’s eaten gran’s sandwich Day at the beach? What could possibly go wrong Mate? [Verse 2] Lined up donkeys doing union rules Tea break time They’re ignoring the fools Mine sat down Read my paper Turned his bum for the holiday photo caper Joined the grand sandcastle contest Rules: no bribes Apart from cake Bloke next door’s built Tower of London Ours looks more like mashed-up hake Dad unveils his “sand sculpture” “Nude Picasso of your grandma” Wave comes in Removes the artwork Judge just coughs, turns down his thumb [Chorus] Ohhh It’s raining on the British summer (again, again!) My towel’s now a portable puddle of thunder (soaking, friend!) Seagull dive-bombed my cone Chips now have a crunchy stone Day at the beach? What could possibly go wrong Mate? [Bridge] [skanking break Horn hits] Deckchair snapped and trapped Uncle Pete (now he’s modern art) Lifeguard’s waving from his seat (“You alright, sweetheart?”) Queue for chips is half a mile Salt Vinegar Drizzle in style Man in a mac with a knotted hanky Claims “this drizzle’s tropical Frankly” [Verse 3] Ice cream man’s in a three-piece suit Playing sad songs on a plastic flute Price list says “Arm Leg Small cone” Card machine dead “Cash only ” moan Sand in the tea Sand in the crisps Sand in parts that do not need this Mum says “Smile Let’s take a snap!” Just as a donkey Leaves a thoughtful little… gift on Dad’s cap [Chorus] Ohhh It’s raining on the British summer (again, again!) Family holiday sponsored by plumber (“pipe’s gone, Jen!”) Seagulls in a vicious gang Chips disappear with a football clang Day at the beach? What could possibly go wrong Mate? [Outro] Pack it all up Car park flood Dad slips Lands in the wholesome mud He sighs “Perfect day Ten out of ten” “Same time next year?” Everyone: “Oh Go on then…”
