[Verse 1] I stood on the banks where the dark waters roll, With two silver coins to pay for my soul. But Charon just laughed and he shook his old head, "Inflation has hit the estate of the dead! You need a subscription to travel the stream, The two-obol tier is a primitive dream. I’ve upgraded the fleet, I’m a corporate man, So clear out your pockets or walk if you can!" [Chorus] So pull on the oar, lads, and row if you can, But nobody rides with the underworld man! There’s a processing charge and a dynamic fee, And a twenty-percent tip for the ferryman's tea! [Verse 2] He whipped out a tablet and pointed it right, The glare of the touchscreen was blinding my sight. "We’re cashless," he grunted, "no coins in the slot, Just scan the QR code to leave what you got." I looked at the total, I started to shiver, I said, "I got a discount code at Long John Silver!" He stared through his hood, and he gave me a frown, "That's for the Celtic Otherworld, put the phone down!" [Chorus] So pull on the oar, lads, and row if you can, But nobody rides with the underworld man! There’s a processing charge and a dynamic fee, And a twenty-percent tip for the ferryman's tea! [Bridge] You can’t use your points, and you can’t use a coupon, To cross over Styx with your traveling shoes on. If your battery dies while you’re checking the rate, You're stuck on the shoreline and missing the gate! [Instrumental Break] [Guitar Solo] [Heavy Foot Stomps and Lively Fiddle] [Verse 3] So here I remain with the ghosts and the ghouls, 'Cause Hades is run by corporate fools. If I have to log into a premium tier, I’ll just pitch a tent and stay right here! I’ll set up a campsite and roast me a ghost, While Charon counts coins on the Stygian coast. I’m blockin' his dock till he drops down the rate, Or lets me scan coupons from 1788! [Chorus] So pull on the oar, lads, and row if you can, But nobody rides with the underworld man! There’s a processing charge and a dynamic fee, And a twenty-percent tip for the ferryman's tea! [Outro] No, I don't want to subscribe to your newsletter, Charon... Just row the boat... Ah, forget it. Anyone got a wireless charger? [Fade Out] [Final Foot Stomp]
