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I Licked a Lightbulb and Saw the Truth

Female, experimental bavarian yodeling, tuba swing, circus fx, avant-garde voice, german electronica, bassline, cpmedic, kazoo

April 22, 2025 at 11:05 AMv4

⸻

(CHORUS)
La-la-la—my brain’s on shuffle!
Oooh-eee—my socks did a puzzle!
Clap-clap-BOOM—a toaster just proposed
and I said “YES” even though I was dressed like a popsicle
Lick the sky, name a cloud Steve
I don’t make rules, I just believe
Do the noodle dance of truth!
I licked a lightbulb and saw the truth!!

⸻

(Verse 2)
I woke up at 3:17AM to the sound of my shower reciting Shakespeare and when I opened the curtain there was just a duck in sunglasses nodding solemnly at a plate of spaghetti while a blender spun in reverse chanting the lyrics to a boy band song that doesn’t exist, so I saluted, put on seventeen mismatched socks, and roller-skated into a department store that only sold emotional damage and garden hoses and I bought both, obviously, then tripped into a pile of glitter and emerged reborn as the mayor of confusion with a crown made of spoons and exactly zero answers.

⸻

(CHORUS)
La-la-la—I named my fridge Karen!
Bop-bop-beep—she told me to pay rent!
Yeah yeah WOO—I made soup outta dreams!
and served it to a chair that clapped and screamed
Dip the cat in glitter glue
Apologize to your shampoo
Spin around three times and sneeze!
I licked a lightbulb and now I seeeeeee—

⸻

(Verse 3)
I entered a chess tournament where all the pieces were snack foods and I lost immediately to a very aggressive marshmallow who called me “Greg” for no reason and insulted my shoes which I wasn’t even wearing because I traded them to a parrot for directions to the land of forgotten lunchboxes where time moves sideways and everything smells like unresolved feelings, so I sat on a bench made of leftover Wednesdays and finally asked myself the one question no one ever dares to ask—“how many bees is too many bees?”—and the answer was seventeen, give or take a kazoo.

⸻

(CHORUS)
La-la-la—my reflection blinked twice!
Zing-zang-zoo—my bed’s made of rice!
Clink-clonk-CHEESE—my thoughts won a prize!
It was a potato in a hat, and I’m not surprised
Slap the moon with a rubber duck
Tell the void “you’re outta luck!”
Build a kite out of regret!
I licked a lightbulb and now I’m set!

(Instrumental solo)

(Outro)
And then I said maybe I should go outside but then I remembered that outside is full of air and responsibilities and rogue lawn chairs that whisper government secrets if you sit on them long enough and I’m not emotionally prepared for that kind of commitment so instead I stapled a mood ring to a slice of toast and asked it for advice but it just turned gray and screamed the word “potato” so I licked a mirror and suddenly I could see sound which was neat but also terrifying because my microwave apparently hums in the key of betrayal and now I can’t look at popcorn the same way again, especially since my couch keeps trying to convert me to whatever religion uses spaghetti as currency, which honestly sounds more stable than most currencies I’ve seen, but anyway I was riding a unicycle made of spoons while yelling at clouds that looked suspiciously like my ex’s house when I realized I forgot to feed the concept of time its daily snack of emotionally charged glitter so now all my clocks are sulking and my wristwatch keeps sighing dramatically every time I walk by and I tried to apologize but it only speaks interpretive jazz now so I made interpretive jazz hands at it and accidentally summoned three raccoons in formalwear who challenged me to a polite duel over whether or not toast is just pre-crouton and I didn’t have an answer so I panicked and made direct eye contact with a lamp which turned into my therapist and asked how that made me feel and honestly I don’t know, I just wanted a snack but instead I got an emotional audit from a furniture wizard who lives in my ceiling tiles and told me my aura smells like Tuesday and broken pencils and I was like wow that’s so specific but also fair because earlier I yelled at a mailbox and now I’m banned from seventeen waffle houses and one museum dedicated to spoons and I still don’t know where my pants are but I have a weird feeling they joined a circus.

and I still don’t know where my pants are but I have a weird feeling they joined a circus.

(End)

4803 / 7500

(Verse 1) I was minding my business wearing oven mitts on my feet and a colander on my head for “fashion reasons” while trying to feed jellybeans to a confused raccoon named Doctor Spaghetti who kept asking for legal advice I absolutely do not have the qualifications to give when suddenly a lightning bolt hit my mailbox and turned it into a sentient llama that sang opera, so naturally I had to challenge it to a dance-off using only elbow movements and interpretive sneezing while my neighbor, a suspiciously muscular frog, graded us both with laminated flashcards and a single tear rolling down his face that whispered “you’ve done it again.” ⸻ (CHORUS) La-la-la—my brain’s on shuffle! Oooh-eee—my socks did a puzzle! Clap-clap-BOOM—a toaster just proposed and I said “YES” even though I was dressed like a popsicle Lick the sky, name a cloud Steve I don’t make rules, I just believe Do the noodle dance of truth! I licked a lightbulb and saw the truth!! ⸻ (Verse 2) I woke up at 3:17AM to the sound of my shower reciting Shakespeare and when I opened the curtain there was just a duck in sunglasses nodding solemnly at a plate of spaghetti while a blender spun in reverse chanting the lyrics to a boy band song that doesn’t exist, so I saluted, put on seventeen mismatched socks, and roller-skated into a department store that only sold emotional damage and garden hoses and I bought both, obviously, then tripped into a pile of glitter and emerged reborn as the mayor of confusion with a crown made of spoons and exactly zero answers. ⸻ (CHORUS) La-la-la—I named my fridge Karen! Bop-bop-beep—she told me to pay rent! Yeah yeah WOO—I made soup outta dreams! and served it to a chair that clapped and screamed Dip the cat in glitter glue Apologize to your shampoo Spin around three times and sneeze! I licked a lightbulb and now I seeeeeee— ⸻ (Verse 3) I entered a chess tournament where all the pieces were snack foods and I lost immediately to a very aggressive marshmallow who called me “Greg” for no reason and insulted my shoes which I wasn’t even wearing because I traded them to a parrot for directions to the land of forgotten lunchboxes where time moves sideways and everything smells like unresolved feelings, so I sat on a bench made of leftover Wednesdays and finally asked myself the one question no one ever dares to ask—“how many bees is too many bees?”—and the answer was seventeen, give or take a kazoo. ⸻ (CHORUS) La-la-la—my reflection blinked twice! Zing-zang-zoo—my bed’s made of rice! Clink-clonk-CHEESE—my thoughts won a prize! It was a potato in a hat, and I’m not surprised Slap the moon with a rubber duck Tell the void “you’re outta luck!” Build a kite out of regret! I licked a lightbulb and now I’m set! (Instrumental solo) (Outro) And then I said maybe I should go outside but then I remembered that outside is full of air and responsibilities and rogue lawn chairs that whisper government secrets if you sit on them long enough and I’m not emotionally prepared for that kind of commitment so instead I stapled a mood ring to a slice of toast and asked it for advice but it just turned gray and screamed the word “potato” so I licked a mirror and suddenly I could see sound which was neat but also terrifying because my microwave apparently hums in the key of betrayal and now I can’t look at popcorn the same way again, especially since my couch keeps trying to convert me to whatever religion uses spaghetti as currency, which honestly sounds more stable than most currencies I’ve seen, but anyway I was riding a unicycle made of spoons while yelling at clouds that looked suspiciously like my ex’s house when I realized I forgot to feed the concept of time its daily snack of emotionally charged glitter so now all my clocks are sulking and my wristwatch keeps sighing dramatically every time I walk by and I tried to apologize but it only speaks interpretive jazz now so I made interpretive jazz hands at it and accidentally summoned three raccoons in formalwear who challenged me to a polite duel over whether or not toast is just pre-crouton and I didn’t have an answer so I panicked and made direct eye contact with a lamp which turned into my therapist and asked how that made me feel and honestly I don’t know, I just wanted a snack but instead I got an emotional audit from a furniture wizard who lives in my ceiling tiles and told me my aura smells like Tuesday and broken pencils and I was like wow that’s so specific but also fair because earlier I yelled at a mailbox and now I’m banned from seventeen waffle houses and one museum dedicated to spoons and I still don’t know where my pants are but I have a weird feeling they joined a circus. and I still don’t know where my pants are but I have a weird feeling they joined a circus. (End)