Self Destructive

[Hook] Self destructive (Self destructive) I'm, I'm so, I'm, I'm so Self destructive (Self destructive) Self destructive (Self destructive) [Verse 1] been making myself smaller since before I knew the word for it swallowing the sentences and suffering and blurring it I don't complain, don't explain, just learn to live and work with it convincing every version of myself it isn't worth it been doing this so long it doesn't even feel like hurting now just something underneath the skin, a slow and quiet burning down I learned to edit out the parts that made too much of a sound I got so good at disappearing nobody noticed I was around [Verse 2] I tell myself it's fine and then I watch myself believe it I make it disappear and then I act like I don't need it delete the message, edit out the part that sounds like bleeding and I keep going, keep going, keep going like I mean it the love I carry for other people always runs deep but turn it back toward me and watch it fall asleep I give until there's nothing left for me to keep been setting up the table, never pulling up a seat [Pre-Hook] and I'm not crying, I'm just going still I'm not broken, I just lost the will I'm not fighting it, I never will I'm just going going still [Bass drop] Self destructive (Self destructive) I'm, I'm so, I'm, I'm so Self destructive (Self destructive) Self destructive (Self destructive) I'm, I'm so, I'm, I'm so Self destructive (Self destructive) Self destructive (Self destructive) [Verse 3] the nothing feeling nothing like I thought that nothing would feel like the real me isn't real and I've been running from the real type of pain that I've been burying and building up a steel spike through everything I swallowed just to seem alright, seem alright the version of me that kept saying no is getting hard to hear it used to stand up at the door but now it doesn't interfere I watched it sit down slowly like it finally understood that I was going anyway so fighting wouldn't do no good [Verse 4] I know the pattern, know the feeling, know exactly where it leads I've stood here at this edge before and I know what my body needs to feel the outline of my skin and know that I exist to stop the disappearing even if it comes to this so I lean into the spiral let it pull me below I hand myself to everything I swore I'd never know I shouldn't but the shouldn't lost its meaning long ago and the part of me that tried to save me said so [Pre-Hook] and I'm not crying, I'm just going still I'm not broken, I just lost the will I'm not fighting it, I never will I'm just going going still [Bass drop] Self destructive (Self destructive) I'm, I'm so, I'm, I'm so Self destructive (Self destructive) Self destructive (Self destructive) I'm, I'm so, I'm, I'm so Self destructive (Self destructive) Self destructive (Self destructive) [Bridge] I've been so quiet for so long I lost the sound of my own voice been so agreeable so long I forgot I had a choice been so good at disappearing maybe that's what I enjoy or maybe I just learned this from the people who destroyed the parts of me that wanted more, that wanted to be wanted I gave until I gave it up and now I'm just a haunted version of the person that I was before I started pulling out the pieces of myself before they'd departed and maybe that's the shape that love made when it looked away maybe I just built myself a house designed to cave maybe every wall I ever put up was a grave maybe I've been burning down since my very first day maybe self destruction is the only thing that's mine the one thing nobody took, the one consistent line the one place I have power and it suits me just fine at least it's me that's holding the match, at least it's mine at least it's mine at least it's mine [Bass drop] (...) [Pre-Hook] and I'm not crying, I'm just going still I'm not broken, I just lost the will I'm not fighting it, I never will I'm just going going still [Hook] Self destructive (Self destructive) I'm so, I'm so Self destructive (Self destructive) Self destructive (Self destructive) I'm, I'm so, I'm, I'm so Self destructive (Self destructive) Self destructive (Self destructive) [Outro] I'm, I'm so, I'm, I'm so I'm, I'm so, I'm, I'm so self destructive (Self destructive) Self destructive