Still Diggin’ Trenches

[Intro] (slow guitar… thunder outside… old fridge hummin’ in the dark) Yeah… Nights get dangerous when your own damn head won’t shut up. [Verse 1] Kitchen clock tickin’ like it’s judgin’ me now Whole house asleep while I’m still stalkin’ around Cold coffee… Copenhagen can… worn-out chair Wonderin’ how a man feels this alone with people still there Combat boots by the door caked in old dirt Closet full of uniforms that still fuckin’ hurt Medals shoved deep where nobody looks Like my whole damn life got closed like a book I catch myself starin’ through the back porch glass Mind driftin’ through funerals buried in the past Hearin’ voices of men I still carry around Brothers left overseas while I’m stuck above ground And I hate admitin’ this shit out loud But some nights I sit there askin’ myself now… If I disappeared tomorrow Would anybody break? Or would folks say a prayer then move the fuck on in days? Would my phone stay quiet? Would the world still turn? Would anybody really stop long enough to hurt? [Hook] Would they notice? Would they fuckin’ care? Would this house feel lighter if I wasn’t there? Would my woman finally sleep all damn night Without wonderin’ if I’m losin’ another fight? Would my kids remember who I was before this mess? Before war crawled inside me and hollowed out the rest? Cause lately I feel more like dead weight than blood A ghost at the dinner table Too fucked up to love [Verse 2] Lost my temper tonight over nothin’ again Cup hit the floor and I snapped right then Saw fear cross my little girl’s face for a second too long And brother that kinda pain hits hard as hell strong So I walked out to the garage and shut the damn door Sat in the dark starin’ holes through the floor Thinkin’ about men who deserved life more than me Men stronger than this shattered bastard I turned out to be I knew soldiers who’d laugh while carryin’ hell Men who took fear and buried it well Good fathers… good men… hearts made solid and true Now they’re names on stone while I’m barely pushin’ through That guilt eats slow like poison in veins Makes you question why the hell you remain Makes you wonder if death missed its shot And left the wrong man standin’ on the block And the darkest truth? Sometimes I think they’d be better off without me. No more silence at supper No more angry storms No more everybody stiffenin’ up when I walk through the door Just peace. [Hook] Would they notice? Would they even cry? Or just tell themselves “at least he ain’t hurtin’ no more tonight”? Would my son grow up less angry than me? Would my girls quit worryin’ constantly? Cause I ain’t really livin’ I’ve been draggin’ my ass through days Smilin’ at strangers while my mind decays And I’m so damn tired Of fightin’ this war alone Tired of pretendin’ this still feels like home [Bridge] (beat drops low… distant thunder… soft fiddle) Then I heard a little knock on the garage door. “Daddy?” Tiny voice. Half asleep. “You okay?” And fuck… That damn near broke me in half. Cause after all the anger All the silence All the nights I disappeared into myself… That little girl still came lookin’ for me. Still loved me. Still needed me alive. (long pause) So I sat there cryin’ in the dark like a broken man Tryna keep quiet so she wouldn’t hear it. [Final Hook] Would they notice? Yeah… I think they would. Not cause I’m some hero Not cause I’m good But because love gets ugly sometimes It cracks and bends and bruises apart Sometimes it’s just holdin’ onto somebody Who’s losin’ a war in their heart And maybe I’ll never feel whole again Maybe some damage stays till the end But tonight I stood up Opened that garage door And walked back inside for them Cause my kids still call me Daddy. And tonight… That’s enough to keep me here. [Outro] (rainfall… chair creaks… deep shaky breath) Some men don’t die all at once. Sometimes life takes ‘em apart piece by piece.