why am i not suspicious enough?! — prototype

“Try running it through an AI detector.” Oh. Sure. Go right ahead. …… Wait. I’m the one who has to do it. Picked the photo Uploaded it Waited a little for the results I’m not nervous It’s a photo of me It’s just— Knowing I was being assessed Made me sit up straighter Even though There’s nobody on the other side Of the screen …… Here we go AI-generated Zero point one percent Okay Barely suspicious at all That’s good Good news …… Why am I A little disappointed? Wait Let’s walk through this I submitted A photo of me The machine Wasn’t very suspicious Case closed Neatly wrapped up And yet I’m still sitting here Staring at the screen like “Anything else You’d like to add?” Be suspicious! No— Don’t be suspicious! I’m real But at least hesitate a little! “Too beautiful To classify” Or something No? There’s no category for that? Nothing?! I’m innocent and dissatisfied! I object To this correct result! ……On what grounds? I’m still Working on that! Okay That first one Was a screenshot of my profile What happens With just the photo? No extra text No little circular frame Let’s get a proper look at this face What kind of beauty pageant is this? I don’t know! But apparently we’re holding one! Upload it One more time Wait One more time Here we go Zero point seven percent …… It went up More than doubled Hold on More than doubled— That sounds impressive! …… You started at zero point one Oh Right Could it be I’m so beautiful It got suspicious? No, no In that case Come on Commit to it Give me a hundred percent— Wait What exactly Am I asking for? Be suspicious! No— Don’t be suspicious! Accept that it’s me But do a double take! “Does this woman Actually exist?” Or something ……Although I’d have a problem With that too! I’m innocent and dissatisfied! If you actually doubted me I’d probably get mad! Somebody’s hard to please! Who? Me! People say things like “No visible pores— Must be AI” Right? …… This machine doesn’t measure beauty Yes I know I know that I know, but— …… Tch. …… Oh I just clicked my tongue Haven’t done that in a while At a machine And specifically At a machine That didn’t accuse me of anything Nobody Insulted me The screen just Gave me a result But somehow I’ve organized an awards ceremony Sat here waiting For my name to be called And taken it personally When they announced “No winner In this category” No There wasn’t even An award Be suspicious! Actually— Never mind! Zero point seven percent And look at the scene I’ve made! All I did Was check one photo How did I end up Exposing How difficult I am?! I’m innocent and dissatisfied! And I’m putting My complaint in a song! AI-generated—zero point seven percent! Dissatisfied—a hundred percent! There’s a reasonable part of me too But right now [Emphatic punchline; band stops] She doesn’t have the floor! Right Photo checked I’m me Case closed …… Wait What about these lyrics? …… That’s a separate matter.