[Intro] You’re cruising comfortably at 20,000 feet **(20,000 feet!)** When suddenly something goes terribly wrong **(Something went wrong!)** One moment you’re inside the airplane The next, you’re outside **(OUTSIDE!)** Falling toward Earth without a parachute **(No parachute! No parachute!)** [Verse 1] First rule: don’t panic **(DON’T PANIC!)** Stop flailing, stabilize yourself And start looking for somewhere, anywhere That might soften the landing Water? **(WATER!)** Trees? **(TREES!)** A circus tent? **(CIRCUS TENT!)** Giant crash mat? **(CRASH MAT!)** At this point, everything is worth considering **(EVERYTHING!)** [Chorus] Check your back **(CHECK YOUR BACK!)** Maybe you somehow have a parachute **(PARACHUTE!)** No? Fine **(NO? FINE!)** Perhaps this is a dream Pinch yourself Still falling? **(STILL FALLING!)** Damn **(DAMN! DAMN! DAMN!)** [Verse 2] Then you remember the Sky Gremlins **(SKY GREMLINS!)** Mysterious creatures that spend their days Terrorizing airline passengers From outside their windows **(OUTSIDE THEIR WINDOWS!)** Maybe you can flag one down **(FLAG ONE DOWN!)** Perhaps it will rescue you **(RESCUE YOU!)** Perhaps it will wait until you’re 100 feet Above the ground before catching you **(ONE HUNDRED FEET!)** [Break] Or perhaps it will eat your face **(EAT! YOUR! FACE!)** [Verse 3] No Gremlins? **(NO GREMLINS!)** Grab your iPhone and call 911 **(CALL 911!)** Explain that you’ve fallen from an airplane And politely request An enormous inflatable crash mat **(CRASH MAT! CRASH MAT!)** The operator is understandably confused **(UNDERSTANDABLY!)** [Bridge] Now the ground is getting close **(GETTING CLOSE!)** Think of every action hero who refused to quit **(NEVER QUIT!)** Get angry **(GET ANGRY!)** Challenge Earth itself **(COME ON, EARTH!)** [Final Chorus] Your final strategy The parachuteless five-point landing **(FIVE POINTS!)** Feet **(FEET!)** Calf **(CALF!)** Thigh **(THIGH!)** Ass **(ASS!)** Shoulders **(SHOULDERS!)** Will it work? **(WILL IT WORK?)** Probably not **(PROBABLY NOT!)** But there’s no time left to debate it **(NO TIME! NO TIME!)** [Outro] Brace yourself **(BRACE YOURSELF!)** Here comes Earth **(HERE! COMES! EARTH!)** Moral of the story: Never give up **(NEVER GIVE UP!)** **(NEVER GIVE UP!)** **(NEVER GIVE UP!)**
