Too Drunk for the Hearse [Barbershopped]

[Intro — start immediately, gang answers] Too drunk for the hearse — HEY! Too broke for the church — HEY! Too mean for heaven Too loud for the dirt Too drunk for the hearse — HEY! Too cursed to rehearse — HEY! If death comes knocking tonight Tell him I got here first [Verse 1 — deep half-spoken baritone] I woke up wearing yesterday With a bloodstain on my shirt A bottle said, “Good morning, son” Then kicked me where it hurt The preacher said, “You’re running out Of road and borrowed time” I said, “Preacher, I’ve been dead before It didn’t change my mind” Got a warrant out in Tulsa Got a tab in Tennessee Got a woman in Kentucky Who still throws knives at me There’s a black car in the alley With the headlights in reverse But I ain’t dressed for dying And I’m too drunk for the hearse [Pre-Chorus — drums build] So pour it high And play it worse If I fall down Just sing the verse [Chorus — huge gang vocals] Too drunk for the hearse — HEY! Too broke for the church — HEY! Too mean for heaven Too loud for the dirt Too drunk for the hearse — HEY! Too cursed to rehearse — HEY! If death comes knocking tonight Tell him I got here first Raise hell, raise glass Let the whole damn floor collapse We’re all fucked, we’re all fine Killing borrowed time Bury me behind the bar Where the bad ones get worse [Post-Chorus Chant] Hey, hey, I ain’t dead yet Hey, hey, don’t you forget Hey, hey, I ain’t dead yet Tell the grave I ain’t ready yet [Verse 2 — darker, sarcastic] My mama had a soft voice And a switchblade stare Said, “Boy, you got your daddy’s mouth And his talent for despair” I found God in a dive bar He was broke and out of smokes He said, “Son, I’d love to save you But I’m laughing too damn hard” I kissed a girl named Mercy She tasted like a fight She left me with a black eye And a reason to write Now the rain taps on the windshield Like dirt on a coffin lid But the boys are in the backseat Still screaming like kids [Pre-Chorus 2 — call and response] So pour it high Pour it high! And play it worse Play it worse! If I fall down Fall down! Just sing the verse [Chorus — bigger] Too drunk for the hearse — HEY! Too broke for the church — HEY! Too mean for heaven Too loud for the dirt Too drunk for the hearse — HEY! Too cursed to rehearse — HEY! If death comes knocking tonight Tell him I got here first Raise hell, raise glass Let the whole damn floor collapse We’re all fucked, we’re all fine Killing borrowed time Bury me behind the bar Where the bad ones get worse [Short Banjo / Accordion Break — 8 bars] Too drunk! Too drunk! Too drunk for the hearse! Too drunk! Too drunk! Play it fucking worse! [Breakdown — half-time stomp] I ain’t scared of dying I’m scared I’ll die polite In some clean white room Under hospital lights So drag me out back laughing With my boots full of dirt I don’t want no soft goodbye I want the whole damn room to hurt And when the angels come asking Why I wouldn’t behave Tell ’em I was too busy laughing To climb into my grave [Final Chorus — biggest] Too drunk for the hearse — HEY! Too broke for the church — HEY! Too mean for heaven Too loud for the dirt Too drunk for the hearse — HEY! Too cursed to rehearse — HEY! If death comes knocking tonight Tell him I got here first Raise hell, raise glass Let the whole damn floor collapse We’re all fucked, we’re all fine Killing borrowed time Bury me behind the bar Where the bad ones get worse [Outro — quick crash ending] Hey, hey, I ain’t dead yet Hey, hey, don’t you forget Too drunk for the hearse — HEY! Too broke for the church — HEY! If death comes knocking tonight Tell him I got here first!