[Style: Fast, upbeat comedic all female folk metal band ; powerful female folk storyteller, galloping guitars, fiddle, mandolin, whistles and pounding drums. Huge tavern singalong chorus, theatrical character voices and escalating fantasy chaos. Extended dueling electric guitar and violin solo.] [Verse 1 – Female Folk Vocal – Start Immediately] Down beneath the castle where the torches barely glow, Our heroes marched together where no sensible folks go, The fighter checked his broadsword, the cleric said a prayer, The rogue was picking pockets though there wasn’t anyone there. Then somewhere in the darkness came a rumble and a roar, A dragon stomped from shadows, shaking ceiling, walls and floor! The wizard cracked his knuckles with a wild look in his eye, Raised both hands above his head— [Wizard – Shouting] “I CAST—!” [Adventurer – Spoken] “NOT THIS AGAIN!” [Wizard – Triumphant] “WHIRLING HAMSTER TORNADO!” [Pre-Chorus – Female Folk Vocal] The fighter hit the floor, The rogue dove out of sight, A hundred spinning hamsters Went hurtling through the night! [Chorus – Huge Tavern Singalong] PUFF THE PIZZA DRAGON! Something’s gone awry! He tried to breathe a wall of flame— But PIZZA FILLED THE SKY! PUFF THE PIZZA DRAGON! What a strange attack! Pepperoni, cheese and crust Came flying from his trap! [Verse 2 – Female Folk Vocal] Puff drew a mighty breath of flame To roast them where they stood, But something warm flew from his mouth And smelled surprisingly good! The dragon stared in disbelief As pizza filled the room, While hamsters spun around his head Like furry balls of doom! He bared his claws, he spread his wings, He thought he’d bite instead, Then something rumbled deep inside— And all his fury fled. [Brief Musical Drop] [Female Folk Vocal – Quietly] Oh… Oh dear. [Dragon – Spoken, Nervous] “What was that?” [Brief Silence] [Dragon – Spoken, Horrified] “…OH NO.” [Instrumental Solo – Violin & Neoclassical Guitar Duel] [Fast folk violin melody] [Electric guitar answers with blazing neoclassical run] [Violin responds faster] [Guitar answers with sweep arpeggios] [Rapid violin/guitar call-and-response] [Both join in harmonized high-speed shred] [Final screaming violin and guitar unison] [Verse 3 – Female Folk Vocal – Full Band Returns] The dragon stood there frozen with a terror-stricken stare, The heroes slowly gathered as a scent filled up the air, The cleric raised an eyebrow, The fighter dropped his sword, The rogue produced an empty mug And slid it ’cross the floor. [Cleric – Spoken] “WHAT THE HELL?!” [Wizard – Cheerfully] “I was hungry.” [Cleric – Spoken] “YOU WERE HUNGRY?!” [Wizard – Matter-of-Fact] “Well… yes.” [Pre-Chorus – Female Folk Vocal] So they gathered up the pizza, Found some mugs and settled down, Even Puff forgot to kill them As the beer went round and round! [Final Chorus – Huge Tavern Choir – Double-Time] PUFF THE PIZZA DRAGON! Raise your mugs on high! Pepperoni, molten cheese Still raining from the sky! PUFF THE PIZZA DRAGON! What a glorious night! Heroes drinking with the beast They’d all come down to fight! PUFF THE PIZZA DRAGON! Let the dungeon sing! Pizza for the table! Beer for EVERYTHING! [Music Drops] [Adventurer – Spoken] “Hey… where IS all this beer coming from?” [Long Pause] [Wizard – Confused] “I have no idea.” [Low Ominous Rumble] [Dragon – Embarrassed, Spoken] “…Please don’t ask.” [Final Band Hit] [Wizard – Quietly] “I was hungry.”
