Out in the desert, where the sun don’t quit, We were cookin’ in gear, smellin’ like shit Staff Sergeant yelled, “It builds character!” Then tripped in a dune West tried shade under a cactus bush Till it stabbed his butt — now he walks with a limp Leo said, “This heat ain’t tough!” Then cried when his trail mix wasn’t crunchy enough We’re sweaty, we’re stupid, and we’re burnt like toast No Wi-Fi, no showers, and no one to roast Except ourselves… and that poor raccoon That Leo tried to train by the light of the moon Garfio’s laughin’, Alas writes poems Grant swears he saw Wi-Fi in the desert loam Bannister’s angry his beef stick’s gone This ain’t war — it’s Camping from Hell, Part 1 Chatman was zen… till a sandfly bit Now he talks to rocks and he won’t quit Grant got lost tryin’ to find Nova Came back two days later, cryin’ and fried Leo brought one sock, says it’s “minimalist” Used a tumbleweed for a dentist Bannister broke his last beef jerky stick Screamed “I’M DONE!” then sat on an anthill brick We fight for freedom, we fight for the flag… And Alas fights pigeons with his rucksack swag We’re brave, we’re bold, we’re mentally toast And Staff Sergeant still thinks this is “leadership most” Sun cooked our brains, now we all see ghosts Garfio married a scorpion and made a toast Leo talks to a cantaloupe head West just screams, “ARE WE DEAD YET?” Chatman meditates with a plastic shoe Leo’s in the corner makin’ cactus stew We survived, but now we ain’t right This desert broke us… but damn it was tight
