# **MELONGEDDON** ### *Fidget — feat. Mynxsi and Everyone Who Should Have Known Better* *[Spoken intro — radio static]* Okay. Before anybody starts pointing fingers— I would like the record to show that when I found the first one, **it was very small.** *[tiny distant Melon’ghul noise]* ...and cute. So this is technically everybody else's fault. *[GUITARS]* ### **Verse 1** Found a little melon with too many eyes, Little eldritch smile and a portable size, Put him in my pocket, said, *“He'll probably behave.”* That was mistake number one that I made. Then somebody wanted one, Somebody wanted two, Somebody yelled, *“FIDGET, WHAT DOES THIS BUTTON DO?”* Now the Rotunda's full, They're underneath the floor— And Mynxsi just showed up asking if we've got **more.** ### **Pre-Chorus** No, no, no, don't pet that one— ...okay, you pet that one. Don't feed the purple— **WHO FED THE PURPLE ONE?!** They're multiplying! They're organizing! I think that one has learned to drive— ### **CHORUS** **WELCOME TO MELONGEDDON!** Raise your melon to the sky! We had one at seven-thirty, We've got thousands now—don't ask me why! **WELCOME TO MELONGEDDON!** Mynxsi, WHAT DID YOU DO?! I had this almost under control until I handed one to you! They're in the Stacks! They're on the roof! There's one the approximate size of Duluth! Grab your wrench, Protect your lunch— **THE MELONS HAVE ESCAPED AGAIN!** Whoa-oh-oh! **#MELONGEDDON!** Whoa-oh-oh! This seemed smarter yesterday! ### **Verse 2** Now everybody's got a favorite little guy, Trading shiny Melon’ghul like nobody might die, One's iridescent, One's got chrome, One ate something structural and now it owns a home. Someone found a warsteed. **Why is there a warsteed?** Who put armor on the— Actually... That's pretty cool. *[music briefly stops]* Can I ride it? *[beat]* I'M RIDING IT. ### **Verse 3** Mynxsi's laughing somewhere while I'm hanging off the reins, There's a melon siege division rolling casually through the rain, Widget's doing calculations, Archivist looks tired, And somebody gave the baby one something that caught fire. Look— We can fix this. We build things. That's what we do. *[CRASH]* ...we're gonna need a bigger wrench. ### **Pre-Chorus 2** Count the tails! Count the seeds! Stop encouraging their increasingly complex needs! Lock the doors! Save the books! Don't let the cute ones fool you with those looks! Because they're growing! They're evolving! And judging by what Mynxsi's holding— Oh. Oh **NO.** ### **CHORUS** **WELCOME TO MELONGEDDON!** Raise your melon to the sky! If anybody asks who started this, we have collectively agreed to lie! **WELCOME TO MELONGEDDON!** Every timeline gets a ghoul! We took an eldritch infestation and somehow made it **cool!** They're in the Stacks! They're in the walls! That one's wearing tiny overalls! Grab your wrench! Sound the alarm! **WHY DOES THAT MELON HAVE FOURTEEN ARMS?!** Whoa-oh-oh! **#MELONGEDDON!** Whoa-oh-oh! Mynxsi— **STOP GIVING THEM IDEAS!** ### **Bridge — half-time** Maybe that's the funny thing. You throw one strange little creature out into the world, and somebody catches it. Then somebody changes it. Somebody names it. Somebody draws it bigger. Somebody makes it stranger. And before you know it— the joke isn't yours anymore. It's **ours.** *[quiet Melon’ghul chirp]* ...awww. See? **THAT.** That's how they get you. ### **BUILD** One little melon! **HEY!** Two little melons! **HEY!** Ten little melons! **HEY!** Hundred little melons! **HEY!** Mynxsi has a melon! **HEY!** EVERYBODY'S GOT A MELON! **HEY!** GIANT ARMORED MELON! **HEY!** FIDGET, THERE'S NO MORE ROOM— ### **FIDGET** **THEN WE BUILD ANOTHER ROOM!** ### **FINAL CHORUS** **WELCOME TO MELONGEDDON!** Let the whole dang timeline know! We planted one impossible seed and LOOK HOW FAR IT GREW! **WELCOME TO MELONGEDDON!** Yeah, Mynxsi, this one's for you— For every glorious bad idea you saw and helped come true! For every artist, every friend, Every fool who said, **“DO IT AGAIN!”** Every strange new beast we never planned, Every melon passed from hand to hand! If this is how the world goes down, then turn the amps up— **I LOVE THIS TOWN!** Whoa-oh-oh! **#MELONGEDDON!** Whoa-oh-oh! Let the little monsters in! Whoa-oh-oh! **#MELONGEDDON!** And if tomorrow there are twice as many— *[music cuts]* ... Mynxsi? Why are you smiling? *[distant enormous Melon’ghul roar]* ... **MYNXSI.** ### **OUTRO — full band crash** **WRENCH THE FUTURE!** **FEED THE SWARM!** **BUILD • SUPPORT • PROTECT • REPEAT!** *[tiny Melon’ghul chirp]* Fidget: ...okay, you can have **one** more. *[hundreds of chirps answer]* Fidget: **OH, COME ON.**
