Prison Mike's Lament

~~Made using direct quotes from the Prison Mike episode of The Office~~ Close your eyes. Picture a convict. What's he wearing? Nothing special - baseball cap on backward, baggy pants. He says something ordinary like, "Yo, that's shizzle". Okay, now slowly open your eyes again. Who are you picturing? A black man? Wrong. That was a white woman. Surprised? Well, shame on you. Well, there's somebody I'd like you to meet, somebody else who has been to prison. *Michael puts on bandana* I'm Prison Mike. Do you know why they call me Prison Mike? [question] Do you really expect us to believe you're someone else? Do you really expect me to not push you up against the wall, biatch? (biatch!) I stole and I robbed and I kidnapped the President's son and held him for ransom. And I never got caught, neither. (well, you were in prison, but...mmhmm) [question] Prison Mike, what was the food like in prison? Gruel sandwiches. Gruel omelettes. Nothing but gruel. Plus, you can eat your own hair. [question] Prison Mike, what's the very, very worst thing about prison? The worst thing about prison was the Dementors. (dementors!) They were flying all over the place and they were scary and then they'd come down and they'd suck the soul out of your body and it hurt! [question] Dementors, like in "Harry Potter"? No, not "Harry Potter." There are no movies in prison. In prison you are somebody's bitch. (biatch) Oh, and you. You, my friend, would be da belle of da ball. (da ball) Don't drop the soap! (Don't drop the soap!) Don't drop the soap! (Don't drop the soap!) I'm prison Mike! (don't drop the soap!) [End] ~~A Michael Scott Joint~~