Magnetic Tape Guilt

Imagine if I took a knife If I died tonight, gave up on life I wonder who would cry for me I'll never know, I guess I’ll never see But its some thing I dream about constantly fake friends, my enemies blaming themselves for killing me They will probably confess it in my eulogy Share regretful things they said to me Post, pretend, act like they were close to me Ask for thoughts and prayers for sympathy Say they should have tried to take the blade away from me But you are the guilt of what reality has given me Please forgive me for my mistakes and my stupidity I was broken but you seem to think I failed eternally the people I let in took every last piece of me Im sick and tired of faking life, constant recovery My decisions have paved the road that lies in front of me So I'll be haunting all the lives of those that ever cared for me And It’s ok, I am ready to be the white ghost of the man that I was meant to be…… If you know me… You know Ive always felt a lot of pain, and it never seemed fair Haunted by the military, at my desk, pull out my chair Try to write a letter just to let my family know I care Searching for words, but finding none that I can share. A tear-stained letter, now marked by my sorrow and despair death of my daughter, memories that are still hard to bear I scream from all the hurt, my kind of heart is rare I can finally let my pain echo through the silent air Call my dad for the last time, tell him take care let my brother know he’s saved my life a thousand times, the only friend thats ever been there……. As I say goodbye, please know… What I could never be, now the pressure is on my own son The part of me that is he,.. I hope is the best one Ive always wanted to tell my sister "sis, I love you", but words I had none? Left a voicemail for my mother "mom, I love you" like a good son When people think of me I hope they say he was so fun I can’t believe his life is over,.... no his pain is done To everyone, Im sorry, but my life was overwhelming so I had to try the next one…