[Intro — spoken, low, almost numb] Everybody keeps saying, “Do what’s best for the kids.” Yeah. That’s what I thought I was doing. But what if staying is the thing that fucks ’em up? [Verse 1] We don’t scream much anymore We got better at the quiet Kids asleep down the hall while the kitchen cussing and fighting No broken plates tonight Just words underneath our breath Funny how a house can look alive and still be full of death You sleep with your back to me I stare holes into the dark Two people sharing blankets But still so far apart Morning comes, I make the coffee You put cartoons on for them We kiss each other on the cheek like we ain’t strangers playing pretend And they smile So I stay ’Cause for five little minutes this almost looks okay [Pre-Chorus] But children notice everything Even what we never say They learn love from watching us God… What are they learning every day? [Chorus] If I stay for the children am I teaching them to stay When somebody makes ’em hate themselves but says “I love you” anyway? Am I teaching them that silence is the price you pay for home? That being with somebody is better than being alone? I call this sacrifice Maybe that’s just what I say ’Cause leaving scares me more than dying here a little every day Toxic love is all I know It’s the only kind I’ve seen So I keep feeding them the poison while I call it family [Verse 2] I remember being little Hearing arguing through walls Mama crying in the bathroom Daddy pacing down the hall Then Sunday came Everybody dressed up nice Like God couldn’t smell the anger underneath the aftershave and lies They stayed together for us At least that’s what they said Now thirty years later their voices live inside my head “Don’t give up on your family” “Real love takes some pain” “Everybody has their problems” “Marriage ain’t a child’s game” So I swallowed every red flag ’til my stomach turned to knots Called obsession dedication Called survival giving all I got Now I hear my own excuses coming out my oldest child “They didn’t mean it.” “They were angry.” “They’ll be better after while.” Damn. They’re learning us. [Pre-Chorus] They don’t need the whole story They can feel it in the air We keep saying this is love But love shouldn’t make you scared. [Chorus] If I stay for the children am I teaching them to stay When somebody makes ’em hate themselves but says “I love you” anyway? Am I teaching them that silence is the price you pay for home? That being with somebody is better than being alone? I call this sacrifice Maybe that’s just what I say ’Cause leaving scares me more than dying here a little every day Toxic love is all I know It’s the only kind I’ve seen So I keep feeding them the poison while I call it family [Bridge — drums disappear, Rhodes and distant harmony] Maybe I’m not staying for them Maybe I’m staying for me Maybe I’m terrified of finding out who I am if I get free Maybe chaos feels like comfort ’cause comfort never came Maybe peace makes me suspicious if nobody’s screaming my name Maybe I confuse being needed with somebody loving me Maybe I’d rather live in hell I know than walk somewhere I’ve never seen And maybe that’s the sickness Not you Not me The inheritance The thing our parents handed down without ever calling it disease And now it’s sitting at our table eating dinner with our kids Waiting For one of them to grow up and repeat exactly what we did [Break — whispered harmonies] Stay because you love them… Stay because you need them… Stay because you’re scared… Then call it commitment. [Final Chorus — restrained at first, then breaking open] If I stay for the children they might grow up just like me Mistaking fear for loyalty and chains for family They might learn to beg for breadcrumbs They might learn to call it grace They might recognize their childhood in the person that they chase And I can’t keep saying “for them” when I know what they can see Two broken people teaching kids that broken love is what love means Toxic love is all I know But maybe knowing makes it worse ’Cause now I see the damage and I’m still scared to break the curse So tonight I’m in the hallway Suitcase sitting by my feet Looking at their bedroom doors Trying to decide which pain I want them to inherit from me. [Outro — almost a whisper] I thought staying made me strong. Maybe I just got good at surviving things I should’ve left. And now they’re watching.
